Ad Amor, Ex Mors
by oO8 Giacente Lolita 8Oo
Summary: Ashley's fiancé passed away months ago, and Ashley still hasn't recovered. Instead, she avoids work and spends her day numbing the pain away up in her apartment. But when a girl walks past her apartment who looks almost like the ghost of her past, will Ashley be able to let go of her ex lover's memory and embrace a whole perspective? AU, T for language. Subject for change.
1. Past the Window

**Disclaimer: I do not, under any circumstance, weather condition, legal contract bindings, social standind, political aspects, etc... own South Of Nowhere. If I did, well, things would be different. Like... it would be.. .awesomer... and stuff... thats not necessarily appropriate. **

**A/N: Hi there! You might remember me from such stories as "Possibilities" and "How to kill your Boss". You might be wondering why I'm posting this story instead of the other one. Frankly (not you Franky, love) I just got bored of it, and I wasn't really feeling it anymore (I did finish it for a friend, so if anyones interested, I;ll send it to you or just post the rest). So I wrote this one. **

A thin trail of smoke rose toward the the ceiling, twisting and twirling and tying itself into tiny, serpentine knots, stretching it's fluid form across the yellowing ceiling. It rested up there with the rest of the thickening smoke, sickly sweet and cloying. I inhaled, stretching my own body languorously across my bed, enjoying the slight burn as my limbs stretched from hours of lying still. The spliff, which had been resting loosely between two of my fingers, slipped to the hardwood flooring, landing with a slight noise.

I looked at my tan fingers, flexing them, extending the fingers open, and clenching them shut. The tendons in my wrist danced in the dim light from the candles around my room. I flipped my hand over and wiggled my fingers, the thin delicate bones rising and falling, like the thin keys of a skeleton's organ, playing the final song he heard before his death.

I could hear that song playing now, in the back of my head, flowing smoothly, oiled by the toxins of the cannabis in my system. Slow and melancholy, the music plays, the shadows flickering on the walls in time to the music. A simple slow waltz. One two three, one two three. I close my eyes and breathe in time, one two three, one two three.

Three counts. Three seconds. Three seconds that could turn into three minutes. To some, I suppose three minutes is a short amount of time. In reality, a lot can happen in three minutes. A love song on average takes about three minutes to complete. A swimmer doing laps at school would be happy if the could do the 200 meter in 3 minutes. Underwater, three minutes can be excruciatingly long. It can take three minutes to die.

I sat up and looked at the floor, at the spliff on the ground. It smouldered quietly, resting in a pile of old ashes, still mostly whole. I reached down and picked it up, setting it back in between my lips. Pot wouldn't kill me, but it can numb the pain. Pain of everyone else leaving. Pain of still being here while they are gone. Pain of just being me. Why of being me? When you've experienced what I have, it's not hard to believe that your always in pain. Just being is painful. To walk around and look at all the people you've known for ages, and know that you can't look at them the same way. It hurts. But in a strange way, that pain is comforting.

It will always be there, no matter how much drugs you use, how much alcohol you poison yourself with. Physical pain you inflict yourself to forget the mental pain, mental pain brought on from photographs to drown out the physical. It's constant, and it's far better than felling nothing at all.

I lean back onto the bed and take a deep inhale of the sweet drug. For now, my pain is just a simple, pleasurable hum, a backdrop to the ghostly symphony in my mind. A metronome in the backbeat of my life.

The door of my room opened, and Kyla peeked in, shaking her head and stepping all the way in when she found me alone. She closed it and flicked the light switch on, illuminating the room with the single bare bulb hanging from the ceiling. She turned to look at me, laid out on the bare matress.

"Why aren't you answering my calls?" She said, crossing her arms as if she was annoyed, but her face betrayed the worry.

I shrugged and took another hit from the paper roll between my fingers, tapping the ask off the end ont the floor. "They turned the phone off last week, and I forgot to pay AT&T. I didn't know that you called."

Kyla pushed my legs to the side and gingerly sat down on the bed, springs groaning in protest at the added weight. She smoothed the wrinkles out of her expensive looking work suit and frowned at me. With a quick movement, she snatched the spliff from between my fingers and stamped it out with a heel. "Did you at least go to work this week, Ash?" she asked.

"Nope. Kendra was there." I said, sitting up and running a hand through my curly hair. It was slightly oily, and I wiped my hand on the mattress. "I can't focus when she's there. I keep feeling like I should say something." I turned to her, and she looked sadly back at me.

"It's not your fault Ari died, and Kendra knows it too. You got to got to work, or the landlords going to kick you out." She set a manicured hand on my shoulder, frowning slightly when I pulled away.

I backed up into the corner of the bed and curled my knees to my chest. "I don't want to go back to the pizza place. I just can't Ky, not when Ari isn't there, and Kendra's practically blaming me for her sisters death." I felt a tear make its way out of the corner of my eye, and I saw Kyla shake her head.

"Get a new job. I'm going to be miserable if I have to house your ass again this year. It'll interfere with my working schedule and I've got this huge project at the studio..." She started to gesture wildly as she got excited, so I kicked her sharply in the leg to cut her off.

"It's okay. I'll go look tomorrow or something. Not like I have any kind of a social life anyway." I reached over to grab another spliff off the night stand and flicked the lighter to life. I lit it quickly and blew a stream of smoke in her direction. "I got this. I don't need you anyway." I leaned against the headboard and looked toward the dresser, laden with half-spent candles.

She stood up and moved toward the door. "Maybe if you weren't so busy getting stoned, Ashley, you could get a gig singing at the bar down the street." She reached into her purse and pulled out a wad of cash and threw it onto the mattress next to me.

"Go pay your bills and actually eat something healthy, instead of buying drugs." I ignored it, choosing to stare silently at her. She sniffed at me in disgust. "And take a shower, would you? And maybe tidy this place up a bit."

She opened the door and exited, leaving me in the bright room alone to myself.

I sat like that for a second, occasionally taking a drag from the spliff, before standing up to stand by the window. With a finger, I separated the curtains and looked out onto the late afternoon L.A street below. All those people, busy with their daily business, each wishing they could just go home, with a loved one or by themselves, and get away from all the people on the street. All of them, except...

A blonde head walked past across the street, towards the bar. Her head was down, face partially covered by her hair, but it looked like... it looked like Ari. She continued toward the bar, putting her hood up over her face and looking back as if to make sure she wasn't being followed. For a brief moment, I saw her whole face. I was slightly disappointed to see that it wasn't the girl that I once loved, but she was so strikingly similar to her, it was eerie. And intriguing.

As quickly as I saw her, she vanished into the bar. I back away from the window, feeling slightly haunted from nearly seeing my dead fiancé alive and well. While it wasn't Ari, it was someone else, and I was curious about this girl, who, in that brief moment, looked just as haunted as me, just as afraid, and just as anxious to get away from it all as I was.

**A/N: its a bit short, but thats because its an intro. But I will start posting more often. Hopefully. I have a pretty big project-o I'm working on. But your reviews are like sweet, sweet, life giving nectar that feeds the writer within me, and urges me to writer faster and faster until my keyboard bursts into flames. They send a warm, tingling feeling at the pit of my stomach. It feeds the hunger of my self-conscious being!** **It is the cheese to my burrito, the the triple word square to my 100 pt word on Words With Friends. It's Tapioca pudding under a dying palm tree. So please, be the ramen to my orange soda and review?  
**


	2. Awake

**Disclaimer: Once Upon A Time: The was a girl who owned South Of Nowhere. She lived happily ever after playing with the characters and creating a famous and award winning television show that stole the heart of millions. Like Fairy Tales that start with "Once Upon A Time", Me ever owning South Of Nowhere is impossible (sadly).**

**Okay, okay, I know. It took me forever to update. I apologise. Wait a second, no I don't. I am not your slave, I have my own free will. Mwahahahahah! I'll move at any pace I damn well feel like. If I want to take to update, than I shall. Understand? No? I guess a month is a bit long to update. It didn't take me a month to update, did it? No wait, that was the amount of time it took for me to finish that Subway sandwich I ordered the other day. Where am I?**

* * *

**Thanks to those who review. You're all lovely :D But then there is the others. I have it so that anyone can review. Please do!**

* * *

I came across on the internet something interesting one day a few weeks ago. It was titled "The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows". It listed a whole bunch of words for things that otherwise couldn't be explained in one word. For example : Fata organa. It means a flash of real emotion glimpsed in someone sitting across the room, idly locked in the middle of some group conversation, their eyes glinting with vulnerability or quiet anticipation. Anger, fear, lust. A sneak glance into their mind, if you will.

Rubatosis: The unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat, whose tenuous muscular throbbing feels less like a metronome than a nervous ditty your heart is tapping to itself, the kind that people compulsively hum or sing while walking in complete darkness, as if to casually remind the outside world, I'm here, I'm here.

Or my personal favourite, directly applying to me now: Mauerbauertraurigkeit. The inexplicable urge to push people away, even close friends who you really like, like friends, loved ones, family.

I believe it wasn't by chance that I came across that website not long ago. In fact, looking back on it now, I'm pretty sure my old English teacher would have categorised it as ironic, judging by my current condition. Er, situation.

I opened my eyes and glanced lazily about, eyes resting on the soft masked face of Louie, laying on a pile of papers near the bed. I was on the floor, spread-eagled on my back, naked. The sickly sweet smell of weed clung to the air, the floor sticky with what smelled like tequila. I sighed and rolled my eyes back to the ceiling. Red letters sprawled across the white paint, angry letter declaring my anger, and scribbled over by black words dripping with my "Obscure Sorrows". I raised my hands above me and looked at the multi-coloured paint spattered over the tan skin.

Next to me, Louie pressed a cold black nose to my cheek, making me jerk my head back in surprise away from the raccoon. He tilted his head quizzically and dropped something on the ground next to me. I turned over and stared at the wad of cash he had dropped next to me, and scratched his head.

Louie was a big baby, lazy as a cat, and gentle as an overstuffed teddy bear. Despite his appearance, Louie was wicked smart, sometimes, I believe, smarter than most people that I know. I found him when he was a baby, when I graduated from college two years ago. Ari hated him, said raccoons were dangerous, wild, and ready to rip your face off the second he got a chance to. Once Louie got fat and slow enough to convince her of his evangelicalism, she stopped grumbling, but always looked for an excuse to "let him escape", but he kept returning. He was my best friend.

I scratched his head again and sat up, picking up the wad of cash off the floor. Puzzled, I snapped the band holding it together and shuffled it in my hands, counting it. There was a little over a thousand bucks altogether, enough to pay the rent, pay the other bills, buy food and other junk I might need. It was a lot more than Kyla's ever given me in the past, and something told me it was the last I'd ever get from my half sister. I've made it clear on several occasions that I didn't want, nor did I need her help. I guess she finally took the hint and left. Maybe for good.

Louie chittered at the door, scratching half-heartedly at the door. I stood up and stretched, eyed moving over to the open window. As if on cue, a flash of blonde hair flitted through the massive swarm of people travelling on the pavement. I walked over and moved the curtain aside so I could see the scene fully, trying to catch a glimpse if the blonde.

The woman reached for her purse, and my heart sank in disappointment when I didn't recognise her. She continued her way down the pavement to a tall office building half a block down. It wasn't Ari, nor was it the Almost-Ari.

Behind me, Louie jerked me back to attention to the still shut door. He chittered angrily at me, shuffling his back legs in a fashion similar to the human Pee-Pee dance. I snickered lightly at the

raccoon and opened the door.

Like a rocket, the coon raced to the bathroom, half closing the door in a hurry with his ringed tail. A faint tinkling sound, followed by a flush, and Louie exited the bathroom, looking slightly pleased with his accomplishment. Yeah, my raccoon is toilet trained.

I walked down the hall of my appointment into the kitchen, passing a seated figure at the table. Ignoring her, I opened the fridge and pulled out a carton of orange juice.

"Did you always walk around naked when Ari was here?"

I opened the carton and took a sip, "Yeah, I did actually. She liked it." I gave Kendra a smirk and took a long draw from the container. She rolled her eyes and took a set a pair of keys onto the table across from her and in front of me.

"Those were hers. Thought I'd drop them off seeing as you weren't exactly coming to work any more to get them yourself." She snapped. She grabbed her purse off the ground and got off the counter stool. She brushed past me and headed for the door. I followed her, opening it before she could with an exaggerated gesture.

She stared at me, looking from my naked self to the empty corridor. "How exactly was there any question to the decision that you would survive and my sister would die?" she stated sarcastically.

I shrugged casually, folding my arms and leaning against the door. "I was wearing a seatbelt, which obviously saved my life, now didn't it?" I mused.

She bared her teeth at me and hissed. "Honestly, I'd rather you had just died, disappeared off the face of the earth and out of my life." She looked around the apartment.

"The house smells like shit, and you walk around the house naked, for Christ's sake, in front of everyone, and that... thing... as a pet. What the hell did my sister see in you?"

I shrugged and threw the now empty juice container toward the bin. I missed. "She must have seen something good enough to want to marry me for it. At least, I'm pretty sure she wanted to marry me." I sighed and placed my hands on my hips.

Kendra snorted and walked out of the door frame. "I never understood you two, but now, I understand that I just didn't get you." she hissed and left, leaving me naked in the door way.

The neighbour across the hall opened the door, carrying a bag of laundry, and froze when he spotted me.

I gave him a look. "What?" I growled. "Can't a body be naked in their own flat?" I shot him a look and reached for the door.

He stared to answer, but I cut him off, shutting the door before he could make a sound.

Louie squeaked, and something in the kitchen fell over. I turned to find him perched in the kitchen in one of the cupboards, holding onto a can of tuna. On the floor, another can had rolled under a stool, dented and scratched in multiple places.

I snatched the can and pulled the tab, exposing the tuna goodness. "Here, you big baby," I crooned, handing him the open can.

He chittered excitedly in reply, immediately burying his snout into the fish. I walked to my room and surveyed the damage.

"Out of booze and drugs, it seems." I commented, kicking aside a few bottles and used blunts. I pulled on a shirt and pants from the dresser and a few tens from Kyla's cash wad.

I grabbed Ari's keys off the table and walked into my flip-flops. "Alright Lou, I'll be back in a bit, okay babe?" He ignored me and I snorted, opening the door.

* * *

**Z/M: Review, hersien, Վերանայել, berrikusi, Агляд,পর্যালোচনা, Преглед, Reviseu, 查看, Rishikimi, Pregled, Recenze, gennemgå, beoordelen, revizii,Vaadata, Repasuhin, arvostelu, مرا عةrevoir, Comentar, განიხილოს, Bewerten, Αναθεώρηση, સમીક્ષા, revize, סקירה ,की समीक्षा. Értékelés, Skoða, Tinjau, Athbhreithniú a dhéanamh ar, Recensione, 見直し, ಪರಿಶೀಲಿಸಿ, 검토, Recensete, Pārskatiet, peržiūrėti, Преглед, mengkaji, Reviżjoni, gjennomgå, مرورSko****mentuj, Comente, Revizuire, Обзор, Преглед. recenzia, Pregled, Revise, Pitia, granska, ஆய்வு, సమీక్షించండి, ทบทวน, gözden, Огляд, کا جائزہ لیںXem xét, adolygu,**

אָפּשאַצונ

So. Yeah, you need to review this. I just google translated the word REVIEW in every language offered, just in case you didn't catch the meaning. XD. This is Symph, signing out!


	3. I'm Your Lolita

**Disclaimer: Whoever spread that rumour that I own South Of Nowhere is a liar, as there is no way I could possibly own the show. However, I am modifying the story to make it my own, and adding characters in there, because, hey, what the hell, if I'm going to modify it, I'm going to MODIFY it.**

**A/N: Because the other one was short-ish, and I made you wait for this one, I gave you a long one. Now that my courses started, I wont have as much time to update, you enjoy and relish every morsel that I give you. Also, starting Wednesday, 28th August, approximately 4:30 pm (16:30) Eastern Standard Time, USA, my name will be changing from oOSymphoniae DaemoniorumOo to oO8 Giacente Lolita 8Oo. Fair Warning so your not all like... "Whaaaaa? What is this? I DO NOT KNOW YOU! SHUNNNNN" yeah...  
**

There is this thing, known as the broken bond. A severed ribbon that connected two beings, now broken, leaving each loose end to flutter away with the wind, to land where they may. Some bonds are broken with intent, done for the purpose of making new ties with other people before the rope becomes to frayed to continue to be stable. Some bonds are forcefully destroyed, leaving both ends frayed and tattered, reluctant to stay together enough to try and find a new end to connect with.

When Ari died, it was as if our bond was forcefully severed, Death having decided that our rope was starting to fray, and just sped up the process. Me and her had been struggling for a while before the accident. We didn't agree with each other for the most part, always bickering over the slightest things. Both of us were too stubborn to back down when we knew we were wrong, or to apologise when we knew that we had overstepped a boundary. Some might argue that we were doomed to fail, even if she survived. Deep down though, I believed that despite the bitterness and the anger, there was love, and with love, there was the ability to overcome. Maybe I don''t believe that as much now, but back then, I believed it so much that it became the only reason that we were together. We were poisonous for each other, but we were so chemically bonded that it took and explosion, or in this case, an accident to separate us once and for all.

I suppose that's why I spend a lot of my time cooped up in my tiny flat, talking to a critter that can't speak back, no matter how often I fill in his silence with words spoken in my head. Loneliness can do that to a being, make them believe in something that isn't true. Lead them to hope, lead them to believe that maybe, just maybe there is someone or something that is loyal enough to never leave you. A permanent golden thread that forever binds them to you, regardless on whether their real or not. Or an almost instantaneous bond that happens on first sight.

Bondage at first sight. Could something like that even occur in the mortal life? In once second, one fleeting glance, somehow manage to attach yourself to their fragmented memory, that first inadequate glimpse into their face, and obsess over that tiny spark? Even if the most educated philosopher spoke against it, I would instantly shut them out. Sometimes you just see a person, and you _know. _Just that brief encounter, the slightest touch, the fleet ingest glance, and your entranced. Sunk way beyond the heart, way above the brain, until you're literally drowning in the emotions, the freeze-framed snapshot of their face, constantly going back to that feeling of that brief electric tingle.

The blonde out the window. I haven't exactly touched her, nor spoke to her. I don't even know her name. The one thing that I keep going back to, the one thing that sticks itself in my head, was her expression. The look of an internal pain. Of a love lost, or of a friendship destroyed. Of hope dashed, or of a dream crushed. The struggle to appear normal despite the massive internal conflict. Living with the suffering of waking up with that small note that constantly enters your mind.

The accident that that killed Ari left me in a coma for a week. Medically induced, of course, but nonetheless, I was unconscious when she was declared dead upon arrival. I remember waking up, and the words Ad Amor, Ex Mor echoing around my mind. Ad Amor, Ex Mor. I had asked a bed nurse what it meant. She didn't know, but looked it up on her phone for me at my insistance.

Ad Amor, Ex Mor. To Love, From Death. To Love from Death.

The translations was confusing at first. The nurse wasn't sure it the comma was supposed to be there. If so, it was a note from Death to Love. If not, it was an eerie message from beyond that Ari would love me, even in death. I chose to insert the comma. After all, how can one move on with life, try and go back to normal, knowing that every move they make is being watched by your ghostly love, that they are stuck forever yearning for life to be with you? No, I took it as a note from Death, warning Love that at any moment, She'll come sneaking up and ruin everything he worked hard to create.

Death is a terrible mistress, but an excellent Widow maker.

And, like a loyal servant to bondage, I find myself standing outside my building, dressed in slacks and a tank top, barefoot, with and excuse to secure alcohol on an irrational hope that the blonde will happen to be in the same place as she was yesterday.

I sniffed, wiping my nose on the back of my hand, I hadn't realised that I had been crying, and looking at my wristwatch, I hadn't exactly just stepped out. In fact, I had just spent the better part of a half hour staring out to the coffee shop across the street. Several passer bys stared cautiously at me, moving along quickly to try and avoid any confrontation. I turn around in a circle and stared at my reflection in the glass of the front door, dismayed to find my hair a mess and mascara and eye liner smeared all around my eyes in a fashion similar to Louie's on facial markings.

"Shit." I muttered, running my hands through my hair, hoping to remove some of the tangles and snarls that were making my hair fly all over the place, Eventually I gave up, resorting to tying it up with a hair tie around my wrist. I ignored my eyes. I was already outside, what was the point of washing it all off?

The walk to the bar was was tough. I kept stepping on rocks and shards of glass lying about the pavement. I lived in the better part of Los Angeles, but even still, the pavement crumbled in spaces, and tacks and glass littered the surface. At least there weren't homeless men or prostitutes lining the street.

The bar was open, though it was mostly empty. Not many bars are busy during the day, most of them start to pick up business around five, five-thirty, and like most, this one was only filled by a few businessmen having a brew or two during their lunch hour. One of them looked like he'd been here for a while.

The bartender shot me a glance and I approached the bar, perching myself on a stool at the end of the bar up against the wall. He snorted and shook his head, walking over to my spot. I groaned and slammed my head on the surface of the bar.

He chuckled and threw a dirty rag on the counter next to me. "Lemme guess... Lolita?" he chuckled, pulling a glass out from a shelf under the bar.

I picked up my head and stared at him in confusion. "Excuse me?"

He held up a bottle of beer and offered it to me. I grabbed the pint and held it out to him. He uncapped it with a practised twist and filled the glass. "Lolita? Like from the book?"

I stared at him blankly, drawing the glass toward my chest.

He shook his head. "The one by VladimirNobokov? Oh, I thought you were... nevermind." He shrugged and picked up a random glass off the bar, wiping the inside with the dirty rag.

Lolita? I've heard of the story, but I had never read it. I wasn't one for reading. That was more Ari's style. She once had to read it for a college lit class, and I vaguely remembered her talking about it, not that I listened. I was actually kind of curious on where the bartender was going with it. "Well? Tell me." I demanded, turning the glass in a nervous circle.

He glanced at the guys at the other end of the bar to make sure they were okay (one guy looked like he was asleep) before grabbing a stool on the other side and perched himself in front of me. He emptied the rest of the beer into my glass and tossed it in the bin behind him.

"See, there was this guy, right? They called him Humbert. What a stupid name, right?" He snickered lightly to himself, dog tags jingling as his chest shook. "Anyway, he was obsessed with a child named Dolores – or Lolita-, and she was like, only 11." he paused, looking slightly disturbed.

I frowned, taking a sip of the beer. "Are you asking me if I'm being stalked by a pedophile... because, I'm not sure if you realised it or not, but I'm over 21. Not a kid." I pointed out, annoyed.

He shook his head quickly and slapped the bar top. I jumped. "Not done! Anyway, He married her mother to stay close to her, and when her mother dies, and the two move away. He uses sexual favours to let her do stuff and what not. It's kind of disturbing and what not." He seemed to trail off a second, deep in thought, and I rolled my eyes in exasperation.

"You know, you kinda suck at this whole bar-side conversation, you know that right?" I grinned, taking a big sip of the beer. It was about halfway empty.

He chuckled. "What I'm trying to say is that Lolita was being used by someone she didn't love, but he was obsessed and crazy in love with her. You just have that look of trying to avoid someone who's particularly bad for you, is all." He sniffed and wiped his nose with the rag.

I crinkled my nose in disgust. "And, how can you tell all that, and make a book reference about it, before I even sat down?" I looked him up and down, not really buying him to be the type of person who noses through books in his spare time.

He was a big man, fat, but not a soft fat. More like a firm fat. He looked scruffy, black t-shit, sleeves ripped off, long scruffy moustache and beard, missing eye. He looked like someone you would find in a biker gang, probably was in one point in time. Not someone you would find wandering around in a library.

He shrugged casual-like and tossed the rag into the bin as well. "I had to read it in High School, and after years of serving people, who learn to read people." He gave me a questioning glance and pulled a new rag out of his back pocket. "So... who are you hiding from?"

I drained the rest of the beer and flipped the glass over, resting my chin on the upturned bottom and stared thoughtfully at him. "The ghost of my ex, and the memory of one not yet known." I replied simply, offering no more information.

One of the guys at the end of the bar stirred, and the bartender pushed the stool away. "Well then, how do you know this stranger will cause pain in your life, if you never met them?" He asked, walking away slowly.

I closed my eyes and inhaled. "Because she already hurts my brain."

The bartender laughed loudly, startling one of the guys. "Well, Lolita, that''s sure unfortunate, a bad start to a relationship." He pulled a whiskey bottle off the shelf behind the bar and topped off one of the men's glass.

As if on cue, the door opened, a blast of hot air washing over the small tavern and filling the dark room with sunlight. One of the businessmen actually groaned with complaint and covered his eyes. I kept my eyes forward, reading the labels of the beverage bottle lined neatly on a row.

"Hey Mitch, can I get a cranberry vodka please?" I smooth voice approached from behind me, a dark bag coming up and landing in the spot net to me. I glanced out of the corner of my eye and spotted a familiar flash of blonde.

Immediately my heart rate picked up, flash backs of Ari and the car accident, the elevator, memories just flashing past my eyes. Then, as if a kill-switch was activated, the stopped, replaced by the face that haunted my whole night.

I turned my head slightly to get a better look, and met the blonde's bright blue eyes. She raised a brow, a smirk perking up the edge of her mouth. "I always ask for a cranberry vodka. The only thing they serve here that doesn't make me want to throw up." She frowned, pointing to my upturned glass. "You realise that that's upside-down, right?"

I looked down at my glass, and the bartender, now known as Mitch, reached over and grabbed it. I sat up and ran a hand over the top of my head, hoping that at least it was somewhat decent.

The woman stared at me strangely. "You know," she started, pink lipstick-painted lips forming a perfect O. Her brow furrowed in thought. "You know," she repeated, "when I first saw you, I thought it was just the light, or lack of litght, that made your eyes dark. Now I realise that it's messed up make-up. Are you okay?" She asked, taking a small sip of her drink and looking genuinely worried.

I shook my head and turned around in my seat. "No. But that's why there are places like theses, where the broken can get some kind of peace before having to deal with the world, right?" I started to stand.

He hand reached out and grabbed my arm, stopping me. "Don't people do the same thing, just not as dangerously?" she inquired, hand remaining on my arm.

I looked down at him, enjoying the warmth and slight tingling sensation, memorising every moment. Eventually I pushed it off. "Not if people was the thing that broke you. I have to go." I added suddenly, standing up. She turned on the stool so she could continue to look at me.

She tapped the floor with a heeled foot and narrowed her eyes mischievously. "You can't leave yet until I get a name besides Lolita," She said slyly.

I shot Mitch a look to the side of his head. "You heard him call me that?" I asked, moving back towards the bar.

She shook her head. "No, just a guess. Anyway, real name, not the pseudonym." She gave a small bounce and stared expectantly at me. "Or I'll go first, since this is a bit strange. Spencer Carlin." She held out a delicate, manicured hand. Suddenly, I was all too aware of how sweaty my hands were.

"Ashley Davies. Insn't Spencer a..."

"Boy's name? Yeah, I get that a lot. So, nice to meet you, _Ashley._" She let go of my hand and gave me a small smile. "Maybe we'll see each other soon."

I gave her a ghost of a smile and nodded. "Perhaps, Spencer. Perhaps."

Satisfied, she turned back to her drink, and said something to Mitch. I shook my head, trying to clear it, and walked out.

Sometimes, bonds can happen instantaneously. Some bonds are mere threads, easily broken, barely noticed when they do. Some bonds are constantly being strengthen by the day, through interaction, and hurt when they break. Right now, I'm confident enough to say that this bond going on with Spencer was slowly going from a thread, to a six inch thick steal wire.

**A/N: Wooo! Spencer's Here! *Rejoicing*. Again, Anonymous Reviews is on, reviews make me happy and inspired, inspiration means faster updates, longer updates, and more stories. :DD And My undying love. (maybe, if your good). DO IT MUGGLE.**


	4. Lunch Date

**Disclaimer: *insert boring and not really witty spiel that no one reads about how I don't own South of Nowhere here***

**A/N: It's a bit short, but it's been a few days since I've updated, what with the stupid coursework and shizz. Enjoy, and review. Review and I might update on Wednesday or Tuesday. *Wink wink hint hint***

I spent the next few days inside, half-fearful, half anxious, and 100% excited. I'm not sure why I was so fearful. After all, I barely knew the girl. That one simple interaction, a discussion in a simple tavern, a brief touch, and a hasty escape. Looking back now, I can almost declare myself insane for even going outside in the first place. I looked like a total rag doll, hair all askew, eye-shadow and mascara all smeared down my eyes hauntingly. I wasn't even dressed properly, and looked far from attractive. I actually think I looked homeless. Maybe that's why she sat next to me. Homeless people need friends too. Friends?

She spoke to me. Spencer Carlin. The name rolled warming off my tongue, almost familiarly. Granted, Spencer was a strange name for a girl, but it fit for her. I couldn't think of a name better suited myself. Spencer, the woman with the man's name had spoke to me, even after I thought I'd never see her again after spotting her out the window. Fate, or just coincidence?

Naturally, I've thought about meeting her in person after I saw her the first time. Fantasised about it, actually. I had always pictured the encounter to be much different. Maybe "accidentally" bumping into her on the pavement. Perhaps standing next to her in the line at Starbucks. In a bar hungover and feeling like crap was not the ideal moment. Just about as far from fantastic as possible.

Okay, now I'm guessing your like, "Lol, weren't you just in love with that Ari chick just five minutes ago?" I know, I was asking myself the same question. I still love Ari, dearly, but a person gets lonely in a time like this. The cold dark nights, staring blankly at the ceiling in a nostalgic trance, almost wishing you could feel her warmth in the bed next to you. Wondering to yourself why you didn't die when she di every day, every second of the day. Your only companion an orphan raccoon found in your sisters forest cabin her husband uses for hunting, A raccoon that as much as you talk to it, it never talks back. The house littered with old whiskey bottles, trying to drink the pain away a little at a time, to wash away her memory.

Cheesy, I know, but in all honesty, that's what I do, and that's how I felt for ages. I lost the love I loved the most, something that not many people could see while it was there in front of them. It was hard to be with Ari. She and me clashed so much; we were too different. And despite these harsh sparks, somehow we found comfort in one another. Just two more lonely people in this world who managed to less lonely with the other, no matter how much it hurt.

I mean, several times we tried to break up. More times than I can count. Each one lasted about a week, trying to just be friends, but add a little friction, and you ignite a fire, and we were inseparable for days. We fit together, but like that piece in the puzzle that fits, but the images don't quite match. When she died, it hurt like hell, and it still does, but a person gets tired of feeling the same day in and day out.

Believe it or not, I used to be feisty. I hated sitting still. I was always looking for some kind of excitement. I was almost fearless, and I even sang a few gigs at the bar. Ari destroyed that side of me. She was too uptight, too responsible. She was commanding, and managed to reign that in until I was submissive. Another reason why we clashed so much. And she broke me when she died, her last and final attempt to make me hers and only hers forever.

And then we have Spencer. There was something about her that I can't put my finger on. When I saw her out the window, I saw the same pain that I had felt. It was like an instant connection, and I was almost dying with curiosity on what made her so sad and alone. She didn't look like the kind of person who would have a problem with loneliness, or with sadness. She caught my eye because she looked like Ari, my ghost of torment, but she was different. Face to Face, all resemblance of Ari stopped there, and she became Spencer. I realised that I had a chance to start over, to break away from Ari and start over, and have a chance to not be lonely and keep talking to you, stupid coon. That's why I'm terrified, a'ight?"

Louie chattered angrily as I shook his head, ending my little rant at him. I let him go and he yawned, moving into the space of the bed that was unoccupied and crawled under the mass of blankets that I kept for him. He squeaked lightly, and his tail waggled slightly before disappearing. I looked at the bundle on the bed and poked it. It squeaked, and Louie yelled at me, his small voice muffled by the covers.

I got up off the bed and looked out the window, It was dark, I had been talking idly to Louie for hours, just trying to process what I was feeling. Naturally he didn't talk back. In fat, I insulted him multiple times, and most of the times he barely looked at me. I stared down the street, hoping to catch a glimpse of the tavern from where I was standing, but it was too far for me to really look at it properly. Plus it was too dark to see anything clearly anyway.

It had technically been two days since I've seen the blonde, I admit, so it wasn't like she was always going to be hanging around the bar, or walking past the apartment. Of course not. Humph, at least, she hasn't since I've been staring out the window.

My cell phone started to vibrate loudly on the table in the half kitchen, loud enough to make Louie protest loudly. I sped over and pressed a button, silencing it. I never understood the vibration. It was meant to be the more quiet alert of the cell phone, but that thing could be in my pocket in the subway, and you would still hear it vibrate. I pressed the talk button and put it to my ear.

"Hello?" I asked, opening the fridge.

A familiar voice crackled over the line, question lurking in her voice. "Is this Ashley Davies?"

I pulled out a carton of milk and sniffed it cautiously, checking to see if it had spoiled. Satisfied that it didn't smell any different, I pulled a glass out of the cupboard. "Ummm, yeah this is her, who is this?" The glass slipped from my fingers and slipped to the ground. I leaped to catch it, dropping the phone in the process. I cursed loudly.

I snatched it off the ground, the girl already mid-sentence. "... I don't know if you remember me, but I realised that you were Kyla's sister, and that you were a singer..."

I cut her off. "No, I used to sing. I don't any more." I said said firmly, checking the glass for cracks. "I don't any more," I repeated, "because my fiancée pretty much ruined it for me."

There was silence on the other side, and I began to wonder who exactly was calling. "Who is this again, and how do you know my sister?" I growled, spotting a large crack on the bottom of the glass. I threw it angrily in the trash and switched ears.

"Spencer Carlin? We met yesterday at Sunday's? I'm an Music coordinator that works especially in this area. Your sister works in the building where I work." I could hear her annoyance clearly over the poor quality of the connection. Then it hit me.

"Spencer?" My voice came out in a squeak, and I found myself gripping the phone tightly.

"But if your fiancé disapproves, then I guess we'll have to find someone else." Her voice was threatening, harder then I remember it was at the tavern.

"My fiancé's dead." I blurted, covering my mouth with a hand. The other side grew silent.

I heard spencer clear her throat nervously, and I pictured her pausing in her tracks. I could almost tell she was surprised. "Oh." It was quiet, I almost missed it, but I could feel the sympathy in it. "I'm sorry, I didn't know." Her tone changed, now more like it was in the bar. I heard her shift the phone before she spoke again.

"Listen, Ashley, I have a meeting to go to, but maybe we could meet for lunch tomorrow? You know, to discuss the details of the Sunday's gig?" She seemed distracted, and in the background, I could hear a loud car horn and a loud shout.

Instantly, my mind shifted back to the car accident.

_It was dark outside. Next to me in the passenger seat, Ari was talking into a cell phone, laptop in her lap, ignoring me. We had an argument earlier. I had found a job singing for a local high schools formal dance, but Ari didn't want me to take it. Instead she wanted me to take the assistant position at her work. I rejected it multiple times, but as Ari was Ari, she was very persistent. _

"_No, Craig, I told you several times, the music department has nothing to do with the project. Carlin needs to figure her own problems out. I can't keep coming to her aid all the time. It's bad enough – No! That's not what I meant. If Carlin has an issue, she needs to go to Kyla and – No! No, no no no no, that's not what I was- No!" She slammed her phone shut forcefully and threw it into the bottom of her purse, and turned to me._

"_Why does everyone think they need to come to me? Isn't that your sister's job as branch supervisor to do?" she hissed, turning to me._

"_Oh we're talking now?" I snarked, turning the wheel. I glanced at her angry face and sighed. "Your her secretary, or persona;y assistant, or whatever, Technically, it''s yours."_

_She stared at me venomously. "I don't understand why they continue to keep the music department. It's pointless," she pouted, turning to face the window._

"_It's 45% of the company, babe. If they cut the music, they cut a large portion of their revenue out." I pointed out, earning me a surprised look from Ari. _

"_Oh, so she listens to me half the time." Art raised an eyebrow, looking surprised. _

_I turned to face her, exasperated. "Of course I listen. If I didn't you'd gut me and choke me with my entrails. Your words, not mine." Ari snorted and turned back to the window,_

"_It's really starting to pour. I should have worn my other suit." Ari muttered quietly to herself. _

_Then, out of nowhere, a taxi appeared in front of us, picking up speed as it came towards the interception. I tried to apply the brakes and stop before we got in it's path, but the car hydroplaned across the wet road right into the taxi's path. _

_It t-boned the car on Ari's side, nearly bending the car in half. Ari's side caved in crushing her between my seat and the door. Her seatbelt cut into her chest, and her face smashed into the side window. I could feel the air bag deploy and crush my ribcage, assisted by the seatbelt, and my head sapped back before I passed out._

"Ashley? Ashley, are you still there? Ash?" I could hear Spencer's voice on the other side, drawing me out of the memory and back to the present.

"What? Oh, yeah. I'm still here. What were you saying?" I walked to the living room and sat down on the couch, rubbing my temple and trying to shake the jitters away.

"Tomorrow? Lunch at Sunday's?" she asked again, sounding slightly worried.

I nodded to myself, forgetting Spencer couldn't hear me. "Yeah, that's cool. I'm obviously not doing anything." I smiled slightly and bit my lip. I was having lunch with Spencer tomorrow. Business of course, not pleasure, but it could be pleasurable.

Spencer chuckled lightly and hung up, leaving me grinning on the couch, holding the phone still to my ear. Hmm, maybe Kyla did have some usefulness to her, even if she didn't realise it.

**A/N: Did you read up the one up there? Yeah, more reviews mean sooner updates... as in tomorrow or the next day. I mean... Don't you want to know how lunch went?**


	5. The Meeting

**Disclaimer: Why anyone would think I owned South Of Nowhere is beyond me. After all, the show is no longer playing, isn't it?**

**A/N: Okay, so my computer is being a d-bag. Most of you I'm sure is familiar with Frank at this point. He's evil, and now will not connect with the internet, so I have to go elsewhere to upload these updates. So, until I get it fixed, updates may not happen within a couple days. I will definitly try though.**

_Out on your own,_

_Cold and alone again.  
Can this be what you really wanted, baby?_

Blame it on me,  
Set your guilt free.  
Nothing can hold you back now.

Now that you're gone,  
I feel like myself again.  
Grieving the things I can't repair and willing...

To let you blame it on me,  
_And set your guilt free.  
I don't want to hold you back now love._

I can't change who I am.  
Not this time, I won't lie to keep you near me.  
And in this short life, there's no time to waste on giving up.  
My love wasn't enough.  


I put down the pencil and looked at the words haphazardly scrawled across the page, eventually crumpling the page and tossing it into the trash bin next to the table and dropped my head with a muffled thump. I had approximately 45 minutes until I was due to meet Spencer at Sunday's for our lunch date to discuss my possible employment there. As much as I should be excited to go to the lunch, I was secretly dreading it.

I groaned, gently banging my head against the table top. Louie's furry body rubbed against my leg and chirped. His sharp teeth scraped against my bare toes, and I jerked my foot, sending him skittering across the hardwood floor, He crashed into a side table, knocking my cell phone off onto the floor, The screen flashed as it woke up, and the message icon popped up.

I stood up and walked over to pick it up, sliding my finger across the screen to unlock it. I touched the message icon and put the phone to my ear.

"_You have three new messages. To listen please press one."_

I presses one.

"_Message from _Kyla _at 13:30: _Hey, 'Ash, this is Kyla. I'm just calling to make sure that you actually accepted the job offer from Spencer. I don't care how much you complain about working, but I worked my ass off to track her down. She was surprisingly eager to get you on board, so don't fuck it up again. Accept it and get out of the house.' _End of message."_

"_Message from Unknown Caller at 6:30. '_Hey Ash, This is Spencer, just calling to make sure that your still coming to Sunday's today to meet about the possible job opening there. Um... and I would really like it if you showed up. Maybe we'll get a few drinks while we go over the... do the interview and stuff. Well, anyway, just give me a call back, please?' _End of message."_

"_Message from Unknown Caller at 11:48. '_Hey Ashley. This is Spencer again. I didn't get a call yet? I mean, not that it matters or anything, I just need to know If you'll be at the meeting? I mean, if you don't show up that's fine, I was just kind of looking forward to it. In a strictly professional sense...Anyway, give me a call? Maybe your phones off. Either way, I'll be there so...' _End of message."_

"_There are no new messages. To repeat messages, press one. To delete messages, press two. To go back to menu, press three. To..."_

The last message was about 15 minutes ago.

Shit, I was going to miss the lunch! I ran to the bathroom, turning the shower on. I stripped quickly and opened the shower door, stepping into the steaming water. The water burned as it touched my skin and I reached through the water and turned the knob to a colder setting. I rushed through the shower, scrubbing hair and body parts as quickly as possible, sending bubbles and foam scattering across the glass door and the walls.

I turned the water off realised that somehow I had forgotten my clothes in the bedroom. I wrapped myself in a towel and stepped out of the bedroom.

"Ashley?"

I froze and turned my head at the blonde sitting at the counter at the kitchen. I looked down at the towel and back up at her, clenching the towel tighter in my hand. "Spencer?" I squeaked, walking over. "What are you doing here? I thought we were meeting at Sunday's?"

She looked uneasily at the door. "I had mentioned to your sister that you weren't answering my calls, so she lead me here. Something about seeing you passed out on the couch and the real you?" she said hesitantly, looking around the room. Thankfully it was cleaner than before.

"Dammit Kyla. Don't mind my sister. She's really a pain in the ass. Was the door unlocked?"

She shook her head. "No she had a key. Was she not supposed to have one?" She seemed uncomfortable.

"No, it's fine. I forgot she had one." I sat on the stool across from her at the counter and ran a hand through my wet hair.

She stared at me, eyes wide and shifting ever so slightly down. Her cheeks started to redden. I looked down and spotted the light blue towel. I smirked and looked back up at Spencer, who was still staring at the towel.

"So, we still having lunch at Sunday's, or she we just stay at mine?" I asked, propping my elbows up on the counter.

Her eyes flicked up back to my face and she blushed. "What?" Her eyebrows flew to the top of her head in shock, and shifted her legs. It was kind of adorable.

I laughed. "Lunch? We eating here or the bar? I make a mean pot of ramen." I gave her a large smile and wiggled my eyebrows, making her laugh.

"Well, I guess since we're here, there's no shame in staying." She looked back to the towel and gestured with her hand. "Although I do recommend that you at least get dressed for this."

I shrugged and stood up, adjusting the fabric. "Suit yourself."

When I returned Spencer was walking around my apartment, looking at pictures and books lying around. She leaned down and picked up a crumpled piece of paper, unfurling it and glancing down at it. Realising what she was looking at, I hurried over and snatched it out of her hand. "That's... a work in progress." I tucked it into the pocket of my jeans.

"Right, " she said slowly. "Does it have a title yet?" she asked, sitting on the sofa.

I shook my head and walked into the kitchen, pulling a few packages out of the cabinets. Louie jumped out from the cabinet with a packet of FishieBites in his jaws, leaping out onto the floor and running to the bedroom.

Spencer jumped onto he sofa and squeaked, back and hands pressed into the wall behind her. She looked at me wide-eyed managed to squeak out a "Was that a raccoon?"

I nodded. "My pet. His names Louie." I opened the packaging and pouring it into a pot of water, turning the stove on.

Spencer stepped off the couch and sat at the breakfast counter. "So was he your's or Ari's" she asked, settling on the stool.

I turned around surprised, wooden spoon in hand. "Mine. How did you know about Ari? I never mentioned her name." I stared at her suspiciously.

She shrugged. "Me, her and your sister all worked in the same building. I just didn't piece together fiancée's death with Ari's until I learned that your were Kyla's sister." She sighed and played with a napkin on the counter. "Ari didn't like me much. At least, after we broke up ages ago."

I dropped the spoon in the pot, turning around. "No you didn't. Ari told me I was the first girl she's ever gone out with." I corrected cautiously, turning back around and picking the spoon up.

"Well, she lied then. We were dating a few months before I found out she was dating someone else. I broke up with her when I found out." She looked back down at the napkin and tore off a strip.

"Wait, she cheated on you... with me?" I asked, missing the pot start to boil.

Shocked, Spencer looked up at me in surprise. "Oh no! No no no, she was dating a guy after that. She must have broke up with him before he dated you." she said for clarification. I nodded and tuned the stove off.

"I'm not exactly hungry anymore." I said, looking at the ruined soup. She nodded in agreement and we moved to the sofa. "Sorry about the ramen. I should have mentioned that I wasn't the best cook."

She chuckled and patted my leg in consolation. "It's okay Ash. Not everyone is the best cook." Her hand rested on my leg, my skin hot under her hand. I cleared my throat nervously, and she moved her hand to her own lap.

"Anyway, so Sunday's... Are you going to finish that song, and sing it on Monday?" she asked, breaking the awkwardness.

"Um, yeah, I guess I will be. I mean, if the jobs still open." I asked, folding my legs under me.

She nodded. "Of course, and I'll be there for the your first week. And possibly your second, if you want." She added, turning away. "Things just got awkward, didn't it?"

I half shrugged, half nodded, and turned myself to face her. "How was life with Ari in your life?" I asked her, resting my arm over the top of the couch.

She scratched the side of her nose and sniffed, glancing over at me. "Crappy. She was very controlling. Very..."

"Agressive?" I added. She nodded quickly.

"In short, Ari was a bitch. She didn't understand music, she didn't understand art. She was all about..."

"Money?"

She looked at me with a smirk, propping her head up on the back of the couch. "Are you going to finish all my sentences?" She smiled widely, white teeth straight and perfect behind her rosy lips.

"As long as I know how they end. Why, does it bother you?" I poked her arm jokingly, repositioning myself.

She chuckled, looking down at her other hand resting on her lap. A lock of blonde hair slid in front of her face, half concealing her face. She examined her fingernails, blue paint chipping in some places. "No, it's cute actually." she muttered, quietly.

I stood up off the couch, grabbing my keys off the side table that Louie had run into earlier. Spencer looked up in surprise. "Ash, where are you going?"

I looked back at her and moved towards the door. "Sunday's, you're more than welcome to join, if you want." I jingled the keys at her and opened the door.

Spencer smiled and stood up, walking over to me. "Okay, Ash, I'll bite. Why are we going?" She grabbed the keys from my hand and looked at the picture of me and Kyla smiling back at her, from the days where we actually liked each other.

"I dunno. Why not. Unless you have something better to do, like... go back to my evil sister." I teased, grabbing the keys back. She walked through the door with a snort.

"And to think you two were happy once." She called from the hall. I looked at the picture on the keys and sighed. To think we were happy once.

**A/N; Hmmmm Spencer and Ari together? Interesting. Hopefully it wont prevent our favourite couple from being together. Keep on reading, Lolites. **

**Song used from the beginning: Lacrymosa by Evanescence. **


	6. Spencer

**Disclaimer: There once was a time where I had wished upon a star, drawn my pentacles, lit my candles, and lit my incense and tried desperately to cast fortune in favour that the creators death would bring me a step closer to one day perhaps owning the rights to South Of Nowhere. Unfortunately, it was decided that in the best interest of the world and in the universe, it is probably not wise that Fae be given the television show, as then a massive hoard of parental units would come knocking on the door of my house, asking me to be burned at the stake and persecuted for the blasphemy that appears on their television screen. Ah the life of a Lesbian Wiccan in America. #:. Makes me want to go back home to Brighton where I belong. With Frank. On a Taco Bed. With Nyan cat burning in the corner. And all my favourite TV shows on a loop. And my Bipolar ass hopping party to party. I'm ranting again aren't I? DAMN IT.**

**A/N: I Decided to change things up a bit. (Ooh, look at me with my bad self). I got bored of writing from Ashley Davies POV. Wanna read Spencer's? Good, because I wrote the Following chapter in Spencer's POV. Don't like it? Too bad, I'm Supreme Sith Overload of this shit, and I win. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.**

It's not everyday that one gets to experience the joy of being in the presence of a highly drunk Ashley Davies. An Ashley Davies who non-stop has been challenging every male in Sunday's to a tequila shot competition, ordering us both cranberry vodkas, and attempting to throw darts at a woman who asked Ashley if her eye shadow was naturally supposed to be that messy, or if she was just a whore. Ashley Davies, who kept telling me stories about her raccoon Louie, her sister's horrific sleeping habits, and nightmarish college parties at UCLA where one guy got shot in the face by a rival gang member. Ashley Davies who dragged me to the bathroom, threw up in the centre stall, and cried like a baby in my lap on the grimy floor about her life with her mum, her dad's death, and her failure of a life. Ashley Davies who was staggering next to me, struggling to get back to her flat down the road.

She grabbed my arm and leaned against me, off balance and like a dead weight. I wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her back up, supporting her to the best of my ability without carrying her. After a second, she seemed to reclaim her balance and straightened out, although she kept a firm grip on my arm. Her hand slid down and clasped my own firmly in hers, head dropping down to lean on my shoulder.

Her hand was warm in the chill of the night, skin soft as her fingers brushed easily between mine, palm fitting near perfectly with mine. I raised our intertwined hands and stared at our hands, one hand tanner than the other, one with smooth cuticles neatly trimmed nails, the other bitten and worried until you could see the redness of aggravated skin. Her hand slimmer in my own, her bones delicate. It felt almost like I was protecting the brunette's hand, and like an extension, her.

We entered the building, walked slowly to the elevator, and waited patiently for the doors to open, one still leaning against the other in the fake florescent lighting of the lobby. We were silent in the elevator as it rose, uninterrupted until we arrived on her floor. I pulled her keys from a pocket in her purse that had managed to find itself hanging from the arm unclaimed by Ash, and unlocked the door.

I peered around the messy apartment for the mangy raccoon that Ashley insisted that was a tame pet, but from what I saw, he was an awaiting man-eater, waiting to rip my face off the second her had the opportunity. Seeing the coast was clear, I moved us unsteadily to the couch in her living room and dropped us on the couch. Ashley snuggled up against me, eyes closed, free arm snaking over my stomach and resting at my side. She buried her face to my neck, soft breaths blowing stray strands of blonde hair away. I pulled my arm out from under her and started to push her away, so that she just tipped over to the other side of the couch, head resting on the arm, but her soft snores and vulnerable face stopped me.

I felt my face soften, and I rested my arm around her shoulders, drawing her in close. I hadn't known Ashley for very long. I knew of her for ages, especially when when she had been dating Ari, when Kyla would pass by my office to the one next door where Dom sat, complaining about how her bum sister won't get off her ass and get a job, how she has to keep supporting her. From spotting her briefly at Sunday's, or at some other bar, up on stage and singing her heart out, not realising who she was. Spotting her at Sunday's, looking like she travelled from Hell and back. Seeing her... in a towel, naked underneath... I shuddered and pulled the girl closer.

No, I didn't know Ashley for long. Everything I know about her came from a drunken tirade, her actions, her personality, her features and gestures. I knew more about Ashley that I wouldn't care to have known, but now...

I looked down at the sleeping figure at my chest, snoring softly, and ran my hand around her shoulder through her soft curly hair. A faint waft of coconut from her shampoo crept up to my nostrils, and I resisted the temptation to bury my face in her curly locks.

I definitely wanted to know more about this girl than I do know. I definitely want to see her more, talk to her more, touch her more. Get to know her more intimately that Ari had. I wanted to just sit with her on a rainy day inside and watch Sucker Punch with her (her favourite, she had mentioned over a third shandy. It was the only film where Vanessa Hudgens actually looked hot, unlike her High School Musical character). I wanted... I wanted way more than a normal acquaintance would want. I wanted everything from Ashley. It may just be the alcohol consumed speaking, or I may have been thinking clearly, but that was the last thought I remember thinking before darkness enveloped me, pushing me into a deep, comfortable sleep.

* * *

I woke up cold and curled up against the arm of the soft brown sofa I had been sleeping on, covered in a rough blanket. Groggily, I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand and sat up slowly, a light headache pounding in my head, a reminder of the heavy drinking from the night before. My mouth tasted foetid, and my hair felt greasy. I frowned and looked around for Ashley, standing up slowly and craning my head in the direction of the master bedroom.

A loud crash from the bathroom caught my attention, and I walked over. Tentatively, I tapped on the door, and a soft curse from the other side, followed by another crash, sounded from the other side.

"Ash? Are you well? Do you need help?" I asked, hand on the doorknob. There was a muffled response on the other side, and I furrowed my brow in puzzlement. I turned the knob and hesitantly poked my head inside. Ashley, on the other side turned quickly, in the process of trying to pull a top over her bare chest and brushing her teeth at the same time.

I gasped and pulled my head out quickly, shutting the door and scurrying back to the couch. Shocked, I stared at the bathroom door, mouth agape and an image of a very naked Ashley frozen into my retinas. I forced my head away, shaking my head and trying to clear my head from the picture. A chatter next to me tore my attention from Ashley to the infamous raccoon sitting on the couch next to me.

I screamed loudly, jumping up off the couch and back-peddling into the breakfast counter in the kitchen. Ashley, now fully dressed, shot out of the kitchen, hair swathed in a towel. Louie stood up on his back legs, forepaws outstretched, and hissed loudly at me. He jumped down, and I screamed again, climbing up onto the top on the bar. Ashley pulled the towel off her head and swatted it at the raccoon. He looked at her disdainfully and moved to the bedroom, flicking her with a fluffy tail.

I held a hand against my fluttering heart, now wide awake, and tried to slow my breathing before I started hyperventilating.

Ashley rushed over, grabbing my hand with one hand and resting the other on my cheek. She forced my face gently to hers, eyes wide with worry, and stroked my hand. "Are you okay?" she asked, hair stringy and wet and all in her face.

I blinked at her and turned my head to look into her bedroom. "Your animal just tried to eat me." I stated, trying to get off the bar.

Ashley stayed where she was, eyes wide as she attempted to stifle her laughter. I looked at her angrily and tried to move out from in front of her, but she wrapped her arms around me in a loose hug, still laughing as she buried her head into my neck.

My heart fluttered and my stomach clenched at her embrace. I stood there awkwardly, unsure of whether or not to return the gesture, or stay as I was. Before I could decide, Ashley had already moved, releasing me and stepping back,

She wiped a hand with the back of her hand and tried to hide the smile from her face. "I'm sorry, Spence. It's just that... see you had..." She erupted back into laughter, clearly amused by the situation at hand. I folded my arms and glared at her.

"It wasn't funny. I think your rodent is invested with disease. Maybe with rabies. Honestly!" I gestured at the bedroom with a hand and looked at Ash. "It was completely unprovoked."

She shook her head and moved to the kitchen, still chuckling to herself as she pulled out a box of Frosted Flakes and two bowls. "It was completely hilarious. I don't think I laughed so much in forever." She poured the cereal and drenched her portion in milk before handing me the pitcher.

I held the pitcher in my hands, staring at her. "You laughed pretty hard last night." I pointed out, pouring out a little bit of milk over my cereal. I wasn't a drencher like Ashley was. I actually didn't eat breakfast, but I didn't want to refuse.

Ashley spooned a large mouthful of flakes into her mouth and chewed, looking thoughtful. After some careful chewing and several nods of her head, she spoke. "Okay, so maybe not in forever. We'll say in 7 hours."

"Four", I corrected, taking a small bite. I chewed slowly, swirling the cereal with the spoon. Ashley reached over and grabbed my bowl, dumping it's contents into her own. I stared at her in surprise and she shrugged.

"You weren't going to eat it. Why waste?" She shovelled more into her mouth and chewed, rolling her eyes to the back of her head. She made a small moaning noise of pleasure, and my lower abdomen clenched again like last night, and I shifted on my stool.

She raised an eyebrow and smirked. She shifted her stool around the bar until she sat next to me, shoulders almost touching. She moved her face close to my ear and made the noise again, and I shivered, head twitching unconsciously towards hers.

She grinned and scooted closer, turning her body so she faced me. "Ooh! You like that, don't you?" I looked at her, she in full grin to the point where her nose crinkled cutely, and I shook my head fiercely.

I moved away from her and hastily tried to backtrack, "No no no! I don't! I mean, I do, but, No!" I got off the stool and turned to the large bay window on the other side of the flat, staring out to the busy street below.

Behind me, I felt her arms snake around my waist, her body pressing against my back. I shuddered again, unconsciously leaning back into her. She dragged her lips up my neck to the back of my ear, barely touching the skin. "Yes you do."

I tried to shake my head no, but she chuckled, pressing her cheek onto me ear. I felt her smile, and her hands wandered downward to the hem of my shirt, fingers teasing the exposed skin between the fabric of my shirt and my yoga pants. I gasped involuntarily, trying to pull away.

Ashley spun me around, hands resting on my hips, and stared at my face. She bit her lip, thoughtfully, obviously taking in how flushed I was. Her fingers stroked my hip skin lightly, sending tingles up my spine. "Wow. You do." Her eyes widened, all amusement gone from her face.

I closed my eyes and nodded my head minutely, and exhaled, realising that I had been holding my breath. She rested her forehead against my own, and I was suddenly re-aware of my nasty morning breath. _She's going to kiss me._ I thought, preparing to pull away.

Instead, she said "Wow" and pulled away, a small smile dancing across her lips, and her eyes glinting into mine. "Wow!" she crowed, pulling me into a sudden embrace again. This time I didn't bother to think, and I wrapped my arms around her carefully.

She pulled away, suddenly sober. She moved behind me and pressed her palms against my back, and started to push me forward. I tried to turn my head and look back at her, but she persisted until we had reached the door. She jerked it open, and pushed me out.

I spun around in confusion and gave her a puzzled look, trying to move back through the door, but she stopped me with a raised hand and a scared look. "You do." she whispered, and shut the door on my face, leaving me standing in the empty corridor.

"Ashley?"

**A/N: Bwahahahahahahahaha! I bet you expected something else to happen. I bet you expected their first kiss. Maybe even more. But then, my friends, what kind of story would this be? You'll have to wait for later. For me to... update. What is going on with Ashley? Shouldn't she be ecstatic? Pouncing onto Spencer like I know I would. Seriously, you should all come to my house with banners painted in red (or blood if you're that determined) that says "FINISH NOW FAE AND MAKE THEM FORNICATE" **

**Okay, yeah, that's right. Just like that. Well, now, Lolites. I must sleep now. So, if you excuse me, I'm going back to my den and sleeping for a thousand years while you all leave me pleasant notes (and angry ones) while I dream of something else to write about in my next chapter. Bai now poppits. See you in the morning...**


	7. Interns

**Disclaimer: Have you ever played Make Believe? You know, the game where me and you pretend to be mummy and da and have a family with a little plastic doll that's missing an eye and a foot? The cradle an old shoe box, the house the corner where we push the couch cushions to make walls and all that good shiz? Yeah, that world is where I own South Of Nowhere. I'm also Da. I claim it. You can be mummy. **

**A/N: I'm still putting this in Spencer's POV. Mostly because I have a special treat for you. We're going... Well, actually, we can leave that to your imagination. ;D Or we can get jiggy with it and just head to the party down the street. I heard they have a keg filled with voddy... or we can head to the basement for shandies...**

I stood outside of Ashley's door, frozen with shock. The warmth from her hand where it had touched my chest was still warm, the echo of the slammed door still resonating throughout my head. Her words, two simple syllables, haunting me with her hushed voice. _You do._

I'm not exactly used to getting the door slammed in my face. Then again, I'm not used to Ashley. She's sporadic. She's random, unpredictable. At least she seemed to be, although she seems more or less boozy and drunken the past several hours. I didn't expect to hear half he things she told me. She isn't at all like Kyla claimed her to be, not nearly the annoying pest I had heard Ari complain about when she was talking to Taylor in the office. Ashley just seemed...

_It was like a time bomb set into motion, _

_We knew that we were destined to explode, _

_And If I had to pull you out of the wreckage,_

_You know I'm never gonna let you go..._

Music drifted from the other side of the door loudly, more than likely from a radio or I-pod dock. Faintly, you could hear Ashley singing along to the melody, voice drifting in and out as she moved about. Almost like she had completely forgotten about the incident. Like what had just happened never happened. As if she hadn't touched me. Revelled in the fact that I had taken pleasure from it. She was shutting me out. But why?

My phone started to vibrate, no doubt Ashley's bitch of a sister complaining about me not getting to human resources in time to pick up the new intern, who was probably sitting in the cold, hard wooden chair in front of Kyla's desk. Probably quivering. It wouldn't be the first time that Kyla scared the living daylights out of a new employee.

I sighed and unlocked my phone, quickly scanning the text that Kyla had sent me, an angry one at that, yelling at me about how the retarded art student in her office won't quit looking at her tits, and that he smells like three day old cat food. I crinkled my nose and shoved the hone back into my pocket and turning to leave.

Inside, the music changed, turning into a much different song.:

_Burning here, in the room_

_Feeling that the walls are moving closer_

_Silent scene the dark takes me_

_Leads me to the ending of another day_

_I'm haunted_

My phone went off again, and I cursed, fumbling for my pocket in my pants, missing the familiar song. It was a darker sounding song, rockish type instead of the rock-pop that was going on earlier. The guy even sounded like he had an accent. By the time I managed to type out a reply, a woman started to sing, almost eerily familiar...

_Tell me who you are, I am spellbound_

_You cannot have this control on me._

_Everywhere I go,I am spellbound_

_I will break this spell you put on me._

I pursed my lips, desperately trying to figure out where the voice had come from, where exactly I had heard it from. Naturally, as the entertainment director of Dav-Corp Entertainment, it was my job to find talent an place them places, set up gigs and stuff. Unfortunately, that means that I come across a lot of singers, especially female singers.

I practically ran down the hall and down the stairs (the elevator was being cleaned), nearly tripping into an old lady trying to climb up. I dashed out the lobby and onto the pavement, trying desperately to hail a taxi. One by one, the taxi's passed, none of them bothering to pause for me. I growled angrily and dashed out into the road, forcing a taxi to stop instead of ramming into one of them. I yanked open the back passenger door and hopped inside, leaning against the back of the seat.

The driver, an old Indian guy around forty looked at me through his rear view mirror and pulled out. "Rough ni ght?" he asked, turning his eyes back onto the road.

I shrugged. "Nah, more like rough morning. My girl..." I paused. Ashley wasn't my girlfriend. Not that I didn't want her to be. " My friend kinda kicked me out this morning. Very strange morning."

He nodded and turned the radio, some music from countries not here streaming out into the back seat. "Shame she doesn't see how much it bothers you, no?" his accent was thick, and it took me a second to understand it.

"Oh no, it doesn't bother me, "I corrected. "I'm perfectly okay with it, if not confused."

"Confused?"

"Yeah. I don't know why she did it, is all. Very strange."

"I see."

He went back to driving, and soon we came to the company building . I threw some cash up to the front and jumped out of the cab, clutching my purse to my chest as I darted into the large building. Once inside, I flashed a badge to a security officer and crashed into the front desk. Natalia, the secretary, looked up at me and shook her head.

"Kyla is storming looking for you. Something about an intern?" she questioned, picking up a ringing phone. I groaned, and walked to the elevator. I pushed the up button and the elevator door opened immediately. I went to step inside, and a glaring Kyla stood inside, eyes piercing into my own. She moved aside, letting me in, and I stood awkwardly next to her.

"You're late, Spencer." She stated dryly, hands clasped behind her back, back straight, eyes forward.

I turned to her, already blurting out an apology, but she sighed, deeply and annoyingly, one of those sighs that are supposed to be demeaning, effectively silencing me. "No need, Spencer. I just want that intern out of my floor and doing whatever you do in the north wing."

I looked down at me feet and nodded, trying to avoid staring at her at all cost. Unconsciously, I started to hum the song I heard radiating from Ashley's apartment. Slowly, Kyla's head turned to mine, eyes level with my own. I turned to look at her, her brown eyes searching my own. "Where did you hear that song?" she inquired.

I hesitated, not wanting to tell Kyla that I had spent the night at Ashley's. "Ummm, somewhere?" I said meekly.

Her eyes furrowed into a deep frown, and she looked me up and down. "That's the same outfit as yesterday, And that song is a song that the late Ari Wilder sang with an ex. Only three people know that song.. " she glared at me some more, putting pieces together in her mind. Suddenly she gasped. "You were at Ashley's last night, weren't you? Did you give her that job like I asked you to?"

I nodded, and she sniffed, looking somewhat pleased. "Good. She needs to get out of the house more." The elevator opened up, and she stepped out, high heels clicking against the cold marble floors. "And get rid of Picasso, please, Spencer. I don't want to have to repeat myself for the hundredth time." She turned a corner and disappeared, and I relaxed.

Time to go find that intern.


	8. Distractions

**Disclaimer: … Nope. Nothing. :/**

**A/N: Ashley's backkkkk**

**Also to all those who have been reading: Thank you! **

**To all those who have reviewed: you kick ass, and I'm planning on calling you ALL out by name next chapter with a little note :D Love you all, even though we're all strangers here.**

I looked at the door, heart pounding, mind racing. There was no excuse for what I had just done, no way I could hide the shock that my body repeatedly screamed out to me. There was no denying the fact that I had just pulled a total jackass move, no doubt that it was possible that my own stupidity had potentially ruined everything that I could have had with Spencer. No doubt in my mind that I seriously needed a cigarette or a spliff right this second. Or a half bottle of vodka.

The blue paint of the door stared at me, the individual cracks and peelings all blurring to one blue mass. I was dumbfounded, completely numb. What had I just done?

I turned around and tried to slow down my racing thoughts, trying to at least come to some kind of stable ground. Some kind of... there it is. I pulled a bottle out of the cabinet above the refrigerator and slammed it against the counter, twisting the cap off with a sharp twist of my wrist. I tipped the clear liquid back into my mouth and drank deeply, feeling the burn of the alcohol sinking into my stomach.

I'm such a fucking bitch.

I growled at myself and threw the bottle at the sink, the glass shattering in the ceramic of the counter and tinkling as it hit metal. Tiny little shards danced their way to the floor, frozen tears of regret.  
The shards were everywhere, sticking to the bottom of my feet as I struggled to make my way over and clean it up. With my hands I tried to scrape up the sharp pieces with my hands, cutting up my palms, and the alcohol burning as it came in contact with the raw flesh dripping red. I stared at the glass in my hand, at the thin slivers poking out of my skin, at the bloody footsteps decorating the cold linoleum of the kitchen floor.

I stumbled out of the kitchen to the living room, limping slightly and wiped my hands on the front of my jeans, My palms stung, but it was deserved, After all,, who strings along the woman you're absolutely in love with for no reason, about to profess some kind of confession of idolatry, and yet, at the last second, pull away, all because you're afraid of what that might mean, or of what she might find out?

I fell back a little, bumping into a table against the wall, elbow jarring the stereo awake. It picked up from the last place it was at on the play-list, All Time Low singing into the Chorus.

_It was like a time bomb set into motion, _

_We knew that we were destined to explode, _

_And If I had to pull you out of the wreckage,_

_You know I'm never gonna let you go..._

My finger hovered over the button to shut it down, but the words started to worm it's way into my ear, wrapping a thin veil around my brain, blocking its ability to think coherently. Unconsciously I started to sing along, my fingers trailing over the screen of my Ipod. I unplugged it, walking around the room with it, twirling around slowly to the music. A distraction. Like drugs or alcohol...

My head went light from the alcohol from the vodka. I was alone now, no one else here. Wandering in parts in pieces in my apartment, I was neither lonely at the moment, nor was I completely satisfied. Not even my stupid raccoon was around. My meaning at this point: Useless. I had nothing to live for at the moment. I had no stable job, mooched off my sister, ruined whatever I had with Spencer. Kyla was right. I was broken.

Music started to stream from my Ipod, one that I instantly recognised. Guitar and drums blared from the speakers, a male voice, Tony's, eventually jumped in for the first vocal solo.

_Burning here, in the room_

_Feeling that the walls are moving closer_

_Silent scene the dark takes me_

_Leads me to the ending of another day_

_I'm haunted_

I stared the Ipod, Ari's face looking up at me. The only time she lent her voice out, Tony, her ex. He was an old friend of hers, an amateur musician, something of a prodigy. His band needed a female vocal, and managed to convince her to sing the part. For the life of me I could never figure out why.

_Tell me who you are, I am spellbound_

_You cannot have this control on me._

_Everywhere I go,I am spellbound_

_I will break this spell you put on me._

Yeah, Spellbound. That's definitely how I was feeling at the moment. I was trapped in a limbo. Under a spell, set on my by Ari. I couldn't break it. She had me in a throat hold when she was alive, she had me in a slipknot in death. A ghost that constantly haunted me, in every decision I make, every thought I think.. Her influence on me from her countless attacks of my habits, my line of work, from my character. Changing myself for this woman, having to rely on her to stay somewhat intact. And her death completely shattered me. I didn't know what to do with her not being there to correct my every move.

It felt like a betrayal to be perfectly honest. To love Spencer. To feel the way I feel for her that I didn't feel for Ari. I didn't love Ari. Not really. I loved her like a citizen loved their country, one of those governments you see in dystopia fictions like 1984. You loved them because you had to. You didn't love them. Not really. Deep down, you feared them. Feared them so deeply, a fear so ingrained, that it was overlooked, unquestioned, mistaken. Even in death I fear her. Spencer was nothing like Ari. She might resemble her slightly, maybe that's why, but I still feared her.

Feared the fact that I could actually love her the way she is meant to be loved. Feared the fact that she is going to find out about my drug problem. My alcohol problem. My serious lack of any value of my own life. Fear that she'll see me for who I am. Fear that she might fear that and leave me. Fear of being alone again.

I stared at the door. Spencer could still be on the other side of that door, still be there waiting, maybe hoping that I was staring back at where she stood, conflicted on whether or not I wanted to throw the door open and beg for forgiveness, to scoop her up and kiss her like I meant to, tell her what I wanted to. Or to try and cover my tracks, joke around like that's what I meant to happen, that I was just kidding, and boy, if she could see the look on her face!

Or she is still staring at the door that will never open again, for the coward on the other side is too busy clenching bloodied hands and swimming in an ocean of self-pity and self-hatred.

I was a fucking bitch.

I dropped my head to my hands, painting tribal hand prints in blood across my tanned skin. Will I never learn? I stood up and walked slowly to the door, hand resting hesitantly on the bronze knob. I took a breath an open the door a crack, peeking into the hallway for some form of the blonde. Empty halls, no sign of the girl who's last facial expression was one of hurt and confusion. The girl who I ached for, but all the same, shied away and hid myself from. I closed the door and rested my head against the door. Gone.

* * *

"Bartender, give me a White Russian. Actually, double shot that please."

Mitch raised an eyebrow and frowned. "So early, Lolita? Why don't I just hold the booze and let you on, like?" he gruffed, pulling his dirty rag from his back pocket.

"Mitchell, I didn't go to Starbucks for the fact that they don't put alcohol in their coffee." I smirked, tracing a wood knot in the bar counter. It felt slightly sticky, as if it were permanently covered over by beer sugar.

He threw the towel at me, hitting me in the head. I jumped in surprise, nearly falling off the bar stool. "Oi! What the hell was that for?" I hissed, handing him back the rag.

He frowned at the gauze covering the palms of my hands. "Did you get in a fight with a tiger and lose?" he asked, running a finger over the bottom of my palm. It tingled slightly and I snatched it back, rubbing it lightly against the front of my pants.

I shook my head apologetically. "No, more like a broken Smirnoff bottle." I replied, taking the mug of hot coffee that Mitch had just offered me.

He snorted. " Stupid girl." he muttered, turning his head to greet the new bloke who had just wandered in.

My head followed his gaze, only to immediately duck back over the hot coffee. I cursed lightly into my mug, trying not to catch the attention of the blonde.

Too late, Spencer spotted me and made her way over, sitting nonchalantly into the bar stool next to me and flashing a wide bright grin at Mitch. "Hey! Can I get one of these coffees?" she pointed to my mug, the tip of her finger nearly missing the edge.

Mitch grumbled something that sounded like "Not a friggin Starbucks" and moved down the bar, leaving Spencer drinkless. She opened her eyes surprised and threw her hands up, palms smacking into the wood and rubbing the top anxiously. She sniffed, looked down, flipped her head to the side, and turned to me, keeping her head low,

"Ashley, I need to talk to you." she said quickly, hands travelling so that they now rested on my right leg. I kept my eyes forward away from her and took a sip of my coffee.

"Oh yeah?" I asked, setting it down and wrapping my hands around the mug. The warmth from the liquid seeped into my cold hands, aching to fidget and wander to the warmth at my leg..

She made a small noise of affirmation and slipped her hands off my leg. "What happened yesterday?" she whispered moving in close.

I shrugged. "Dunno. What do you think happened?" I flicked a glance over at her kind of curious on what she had thought happened. Did she think it was her fault?

"I think you tried to seduce me... but you lost your mojo." She grinned mischievously, and her hands returned back to my leg, this time higher up..

My eyes widened and I felt my mouth gape, and I found myself stuttering, trying to backtrack and deny it. But I couldn't. How could I? I t was true. I did try and seduce her.

"Eh, wouldn't say that I lost my mojo." I grinned, grabbing her hands with my own. She smiled and retracted a hand so she could prop her head up, intertwining her remaining hand with mine.

"So what happened then?"

I shrugged, attention back to my drink. She sighed and stood up, pulling my hand, and my body along with her. I protested, trying to pull away and go back to my virgin Russian, but Spencer had my hand tight, unwilling to let me go. She was a lot stronger than she looked.

She opened the door to the ladies bathroom and stood in front of me, arms crossed and eyes narrowed. "Spill it, now. What's going on with you?"

I leaned against the wall, trying to appear bored and disinterested, and shrugged half-heartedly. "If I told you kyla was part of it, would you believe me?"

Her facial expression told me no so I sighed. "I don't know what you expect, Spence. What do you want me to say? Maybe it was because I was just messing around, and I'm not really interested in you that way." I glared at her, trying to be serious.

She stared at me coyly, all vixen as she moved in closer in front of me. She rested her hands on either side of me and leaned her body close to me. Her mouth hovered in close to my ear, her breath even and level. It was difficult to gauge whether her heart was rapid or if it was mine.

"Do you like this?" she asked, lips barely touching the skin of my ear. My breath betrayed me, shuddering out briefly. I felt her smile. "You do."

She leaned back so she could see the recognition in my eyes and leaned forward again. Consider this payback." She let her lips press oh so gently against my one, pausing before pulling away. Her lips curled into a devilish smile before kissing me again, harder than before.

"You do."

**A/N: Yep. Stopping here. Continue later cuz I'm tired and work is starting soon. Flipping patties with Bob Bob. So I might not update unless I'm reminded to. See, fanfiction sends me an email that gets sent to my phone every time someone reviews, like a mini reminder. Lets not allow Aitor le'Fae to forget her story exists, no shall we?**


	9. Storm

**Disclaimer: I got yelled at the other day by a viewer for not making a disclaimer. Sorry Shwith ug. This one's for you. See now... Now I can't come up with a goo disclaimer on how much it really sucks that I really don't own this show, and that it really needs to belong to me, even if it means I need to kill the owner with it just so that the power transfers over to myself, granting me the power to resurrect the show, write Aiden out of it so that he and Ashley don't get married in real life. Cuz that really stung. **

**Did anyone see the season première of Grey's Anatomy and see the BS Shonda Rhimes did to Arizona Robbins? God, I'm really pissed now. Maybe I should write a new ending to that...**

**Shout outs to all my Reviewers! (warning, watch length)**

**Ohsoclever1: Lovey, I'm pretty sure you are one who has reviewed the most out of everyone. I counted. 5 reviews :0. Dedication, my friend, dedication. And I agree with you. They are my favourite characters to read about. And write about. And to date is pretty intense. Kyla is annoying, but believe it or not, she means well. Maybe. Or she's just naturally evil. :D**

**Also, you're the one who yelled at me _ I'm now dedicating every single Disclaimer to you.**

**Trmack9: Lol, I'm pretty sure that this is not the best story here. Honestly if it was, I'd be well on my way to world domination. How they connect, that information is top secret. I'd day I have to kill you if I give you that information, but I don't kill for that. **

**Dominomino: You, my friend, if I'm not mistaken have reviewed... 4 times. Wow. Congrats. I'm glad that you are enjoying the story. Ashley's feeling are rather complex, as she's got a lot to sort through. Keeping reading. I'm pretty sure you're going to enjoy this next chapter ;D**

**FFReviews: Your last review I was like v(e-o)v I didn't get it. I almost never go back and read my story, but you're comment made me go back. I didn't know what you were referring to with the whole guitar/pictures/window thing. But I always take your reviews into consideration when I write. Believe me. Aren't you someone who reviewed "Possibilities" as well? I think so. I haven't touched that story in a while. Maybe I shall...**

**Kotii: You are just about as insane as I am. Like seriously? I enjoy reading your reviews they make me snicker like a schoolgirl. XD Good reviewing my friend.**

**Elke85: Psshhhh I dun need your forgiveness. -pauses- Wait, no I do. Wait... wahhhh? Cruelty and blackmail? I dare-say, cruelty is a bit harsh... I much rather prefer dark humour...**

**Ari really is a bitch to be honest. We'll get more into her story as the story progresses. XP**

**Naked Ashley? Lovely as it gets. -purrs-**

**Pati1996: Will do!**

**ashleyss27: Forget this exists? Ha! That's quite possible. I mean, lets face it... It's me. XD well, when I see that angry mob outside my front door, I'm pretty sure I'll remember to update.**

**Ogan: Glad you think so ;)**

**IaMaFaLlEnDaRkAnGeL: I do have a great taste in music. You should see my writing playlist :D**

**Omgasmurf: It was. **

**Sra: Metaphor. XD And yeah! Fuck English! **

**Babykennedy: Ooh, just you wait. Juiciness is soon in the future **

**llllooooollll: Like I said before, the last story is "defo" being posted later. Maybe.**

**Scruzx2: Posted! Now wait for the new one XD**

**And to those who reviewed but didn't leave a name: :D Thanks**

**And to the readers: :D Thanks. Keep on reading! And Reviewing. I'm thinking shoutouts every other chapter...**

**Also just a note while I'm here, Chapter ten marks the première g of "Season 3" if you will of Ad Amor, Ex Mors. So this is technically the "Season Finale" of "Season 1". Hmmmmm**

**Show-time:**

"_Do you like this?" she asked, lips barely touching the skin of my ear. My breath betrayed me, shuddering out briefly. I felt her smile. "You do."_

_She leaned back so she could see the recognition in my eyes and leaned forward again. "Consider this payback." She let her lips press oh so gently against my one, pausing before pulling away. Her lips curled into a devilish smile before kissing me again, harder than before._

"_You do."_

"I do?" I asked, near-breathlessly as she backed away, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand. She smiled slightly and walked out the bathroom without another word. I stood there, still half in shock, half in bliss, against the cold ceramic tiling of the wall. The door opened again, and I jumped in surprise.

An old Latino woman stared at me with cynical eyes as she moved toward the back stall, checking me up and down with obvious disapproval. She closed the door with one more final peek at me, and I was left to slow my breathing down.

Gathering myself, I swept my hair out of my face and checked my make up in the mirror, making sure that I didn't look as dirty as I felt.

In the bathroom of an old pub? I felt like a teenage girl just having been caught with her hand down the pants of the star quarterback in the back of his old Buick. I shuddered at the image. Gross.

So we didn't have sex, but I felt like we did. I felt gross all over, from where her body touched my skin, from where her breath crept across my skin. From where her hands had crept, her lips had touched. I felt sinful, cheated, in a way, violated. Was this how Spencer had felt when I had crept up on her, teased her with my hands? Did she feel angry when I freaked out and just threw her away like she was useless? Did she want to go home and scrub herself clean from head to toe with bleach?

I felt dirty. Not just on the outside, but the inside. What am I doing? I don't even know her. How could I do something like that? She isn't someone who I randomly pulled out of the bar, someone who I probably would never see again, have no connection to. Probably wouldn't even know her name, nonetheless feel for. Spencer was someone who I wanted to know, both physically and mentally, but I don't know If I could without feeling dirty, like I wasn't just in it for me, for my own private satisfaction.

I left the bathroom in a hurry, anxiously rubbing my arms, still feeling dirty. Spencer was nowhere to be seen, left long ago after our our little meaning in the bathroom. I shuddered and grabbed my sweatshirt from where I had left it at the bar and ducked out quickly. Of course it would be raining outside.

I looked up at the dark, almost purple rain clouds above me, the raining falling hard and fast in large globules, smacking into my skin with a sharp satisfying sting. It soaked through my sweater, through my shirt and pants, through my bra and underwear, seemingly through my own flesh and into my soul. It was cleansing me in a harsh kind of way, freezing cold against my skin, I pulled the sweatshirt off and threw it in a nearby dumpster, letting the rain hit the bare flesh on arms, neck and shoulders. Trails of water slid down my smooth skin, over goosebumps and dripping in small streams down t the ground. I kicked my shoes off in the direction of the dumpster and started down the road.

The rocks and broken glass on the pavement jabbed lightly at the soft bottoms of my feet, occasionally sticking for a second before clattering back down onto the concrete. My hair, now falling out of the bun on the top of my head, began to fall in my face, stringy and wet. I brushed the hair away, and rubbed extra water out of my face. A dark smear from my mascara stretched out across the side of my hand, more than likely now running down my face. I rubbed my eyes with the palms of my hands and wiped them on the seat of my jean shorts, My shirt, white before, was near transparent, my thin bra showing from behind the material, nipples erect with the cold. I sniffed, stepping into a cold puddle.

Wind around me made the rain fall at a slant, diving directly into my face. I turned, swishing the water of the dirty puddle with my feet, dirt from the road swirling around and fogging the clarity of the rainwater. I raised a foot, black dirt sticking in between my toes and setting on the tops of my feet. If you stared carefully you could probably find little figures, pictures within the dirt. I dunked my foot back in, rinsing my foot off and stepping out of the puddle.

A few steps forward and I nearly run into someone, faulted by me for not looking up and paying attention to where I was walking, and I look up, a half hearted apology already on my lips. The words froze when my eyes rested on the blue ones staring into mine.

I found myself searching for her name, trying to catch the syllables and force them from my lips. Before I could manage a single syllables, her lips found mine, forcing herself hungrily against me. I staggered backwards in surprise, back hitting the wall of building behind us, some old thrift shop where people sell their old forgotten and used stuff, people who go in looking for that stuff with some hope that it means something to someone.

Her hands rose to my face, each hand cupping a cheek while her mouth pressed hungrily against mine. My hands sought out her hips and drew her in, pressing herself against me. I kissed her back eagerly, one hand creeping up from her hips, trailing up her side and over her breast, coming to a rest between her jaw and ear. I swiped a tongue across her bottom lip, and my blonde opened up for me, letting me explore her mouth hungrily. Almost immediately, near viciously, her tongue attacked mine, demanding control. I fought for a second, but faltered when her hand sneakily cupped around a breast, palm resting over an erect nipple.

She gained control, pushing me harder into the wall, hands falling to my hips while mine went to her own cheeks, pulling her even more into a deep kiss. Her fingers clawed into my side painfully, and I gasped, detaching from the kiss. A reminder of punishment. Her lips trailed to my neck, kissed it gently behind the ear and she moved away, disappearing into the rain and settling night fog.

I stood there, eyes half open and chest heaving, dazed. My mind replayed the scene, something that I hadn't exactly anticipated. Something that seemed more like a "couldn't help myself" heat of the moment type thing, as if her body remembered what almost happened in the bathroom, but her mind reminded her of what I had done, and she had come to her senses, not that I wanted her to take me on a dirty street against a dingy store in the middle of a rainstorm.

I shook my head and stepped back onto the pavement, walking back towards my flat, replaying the moment over and over again in my head

Even once I got inside, I hardly acknowledged the fact that Louie was still nowhere to be seen, and fell onto my bed. I yawned, reaching for the light switch, but my hand missed and hit my small tin where I kept my joints, small cylinders of blissful cannabis that can just make my worries slide away. I got up out of the bed, shed my clothes, and grabbed the tin and a small lighter, and aimed for the bathroom.

I turned on the hot water and clogged the drain so it pooled in the bottom of the tub. I flicked the switch that turned the fan on and sparked a light on the end of the spliff. Bathtub filled, I turned the water off, tested the temperature, and switched the light off, leaving me in the dark with a spliff and hot water in the tub. I gingerly slipped in, the water rising high on my chest.

I took a large drag of the joint and held it in my lungs, a slight burning sensation warming my insides while the water warmed the outside, Then, in the comfort of the heat, I slowly started to slip into a sleep.

* * *

"Ashley?! Ash? Wake up! Ashley?"

A loud hysterical Spencer woke me up, naked in the bathtub, still submerged in the tub water, head resting on the side of the tub, slick wit h a thin layer of wet and dried spit. Ew.

I sat up, stretching myself cat-like and tried to stand up, only to nearly fall over in pain. I cried out and leaned perilously backwards, and was saved by Spencer's arms as she dove for me. I grabbed my head and tried to speak, only to wince in pain from the effort. Great. I got a nasty cold from the bathtub.

My skin felt all clammy from soaking in the water too long, long, slim fingered clammy and wrinkled. She hauled me out of the bathtub and stood me up carefully, watching me incase I fell over while she grabbed my large towel. She wrapped it around me and wrapped an arm around me for support. Slowly we made our way out of the bathroom to the sofa, where she set me down carefully. She rubbed me down with the towel, trying to dry me off the best she could.

I shuddered, stomach cringing in pain, and I leaned against her, surprising her. She recovered, sliding over so that I could set my head on her lap. My eyes drooped, and I fell back asleep, her fingers running past my head the last thing I felt as she hummed a song, my song, to herself.

_I'm falling even more in love with you,_

_Letting go of all I've held on to._

_I'm standing here until you make me move,_

_I'm hanging by a moment here with you._

_I'm living for the only thing I know,_

_I'm running and I'm not sure where to go._

_And I don't know what I'm diving into,_

_Just hanging by a moment here with you._

**A/N: And thus ends "Season 1" See ya next time for the season premiere. It's gonna be fantastique, I swear :D**

**Read and Review, or I'm killing everyone in the next chapter. :D Jk, but still. DO IT. Pleasie?**


	10. Sick

**Disclaimer: I can't believe the news that I received today. I was talking to Chessapher for whatever reason when my pocket began to vibrate. I had gotten a text reminder! Know what it said? "A, I don't know why I have to keep repeating myself with this. YOU NEED TO STOP CLAIMING THE SHOW IS YOURS." It wasn't signed, but I'm glad that the creator fears me enough to stay hidden...**

**(dedicated to the fantastique fan Ohsoclever1, who is not only the #1 reviewer, but is also a fan of disclaimers. ;D Always for you)**

**A/N: Honestly, you don't know how much I have to kick myself in the ass to get these updates up and posted. _It's quite hilarious, trust me. Oooh, like the time that she..., _Why don't you go back to being the cold, silent, stoic one, Frankie, love? _I'd rather not. Your quite boring without me. _Am not! _Can you just go back to the kitchen now where you belong? -_flips table- THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR FRANK! -stuffs Frank in the cereal box of death- Anyway, sorry about that. He's been a bit crass lately. A pain in the ass to be quite... er... frank. AnyWAY, so, updates. Yeah, woo! I also do feel like apologising for any, er, profanities? I've a sailors mouth in real life , and it tends to... well then. Also, like, omg is that a bug on the screen?**

_The mangled and twisted metal of the ruined car laid on the side of the road, pushed to the side from the force of the crash. It was actually two cars, the yellow of the taxi barely noticeable from this side of the street. It smoked lightly from the hood, and glass littered the black of the asphalt, shining like ice or snow. Just inside, you could see a mess of brunette hair, my hair, resting against the expanded air bag. I brushed a curl back behind mu ear, staring at the wreckage, forever stuck on that road. _

_Movement to the right of my drew my attention away from the mess to the blonde standing next to me, fag in hand, apparently unfettered by the rain. She smirked, fag delicately hanging from two fingers. She let the smoke trail from her nostrils, twisting and turning around raindrops. She turned her head slowly to me, red painted lips curling into a confident smirk. _

"_It's your fault, babe. You were driving. Though that's not what you tell yourself, right?" She chuckled softly to herself and took a light drag. "You killed me babe, and you know it."_

_I shook my head, staring at her wet blonde hair. "No I didn't. It was the taxi driver. He was going too fast." I corrected, moving in front of her. She tapped the fag, ash floating down and landing on my bare foot. It burned slightly before being washed away from a raindrop._

"_You should have known not to turn so quickly, especially in the rain. Should have known about hydroplaning, known that if you had only paused, he would have passed easily by, and we would have survived. We would have lived. We would not be here." She flicked the fag toward the crash, landing in a puddle nearby. _

_The puddle caught aflame, burning its way to the wreck where our bodies sat within the tangle of metal and synthetic material. I turned to face my fiancé, shock spread across my face._

"_That's not true! It wasn't..." She stopped me, grabbing me by my arms and pulling me in close to her._

"_Yes! And you know it! You've known the second that you woke up in that hospital that once again, Ashley, you have fucked up, and you have fucked up pretty badly this time. You've killed me, the woman that you would die for. That you should have died for." Her blue eyes darkened, her breath coming out, smokey, in quick pants. I struggled to free myself, already feeling tears sting in my eyes._

"_You will never be able to live without me. Function without me. You'll never stop loving me, fearing me. That new blonde? You would never be with her. Love from death. Right Ashley, love? Even in death, our love goes on. I've got my hold on you, and I'm never going to set you free. You made a promise. Ad Amor ex mors, lover.." She pulled me in closer and kissed me fiercely, biting my lip sharply until I tasted my blood on my own lips. She licked hers clean and dove back in, forcing her tongue in my mouth and instantly taking control. Her hand travelled south, searching for the spot that would make me scream her name and mark me as hers. Make me scream as she branded my neck with her teeth, ravaging the soft skin, taking me as hers. She muffled my scream with her mouth, hand back up grabbing my hands. _

"_You are always going to be mine, Ashley Davies. Always."_

I woke up screaming, lying on the floor, wrapped in the soft white sheet from the bed. I was burning everywhere, still feeling the hands of Ari all over my body. I began to feel overwhelmingly hot, the blanket wrapped around me had to get off me that second. I scrambled through the white folds trying to find the end to rip the infernal thing off.

Rustling from the bed made me freeze from trying to set myself free. A blonde head poked out over the edge, and I felt myself start trembling. Ari was here somehow brought back from the dead, here to punish me for the traitorous thoughts about Spencer.

Spencer, seeing me trembling, turned worried, mistaking my shivering to one of coldness. She scrambled down, dressed in a pair of my own boxers and Fallout Boy tee, and held onto me from behind. Suddenly, I was all too aware of my own nakedness beneath the thin white fabric.

She made a hushing noise and tightened her grip with one arm, the other touching my forehead gently with the back of her palm. She made a noise of disapproval and stood up. "Fever's still up. I'll be right back with some medicine." She left the room and left me sitting in my pile of sheets, still stunned by my dream. Ari was still dead, and it was only Spencer.

Wait, Spencer?

I carefully extracted myself from the sheet, standing up slowly. Tendons popped as my stiff muscles stretched, and a shiver of cold shot up my spine. I stepped out from the sheets and walked almost painfully out of the bedroom, where Spencer was poking through a cabinet, searching for Tylenol.

I cleared my throat and she turned her head, giving me a small smile. "Medicines in the bathroom." I said, walking into the small bathroom. I opened the mirror and pulled out a small bottle, opening it with slender fingers. I popped two into my palm, dropping them into a dry mouth. Spencer walked in and handed me a small cup of water. I drained it, swallowing the pills almost painfully.

Spencer took my hand and lead me back to the bed, covering me with the duvet, lying on the ground where she had thrown it off to search for medicine. I snuggled into the warmth and sighed. A cool arm wrapped itself around my waist, hand flat against my stomach, the cool spot within the heat.

* * *

"Ashley. Aaaashleeey..." A soft voice next to me woke me up, the room dark from the lack of sunlight. I turned over to the voice, unable to see very far. A hand came up and touched my cheek lightly, flipping over to rest the back of the hand against my forehead.

"You're fever's gone down, so I'm going to head on home. I fed your raccoon. He's asleep on the couch. Are you going to be okay?" She whispered, removing her hand.

I reached over and grabbed it, intertwining our fingers together. I squeezed lightly in thanks and retracted it, curling my arm against my chest. "Thank you." I mumbled.

She chuckled lightly, and shifted, but stayed on the bed. "Today was technically Monday. You called in sick for your first day at Sunday's. Think you'll feel better by tomorrow?"

I shrugged. "Dunno. I'm not one for getting sick, so I'm not sure." My eyes were adjusting, and I could see the outline of her smile. She mouthed an "Okay" and moved forward, planting a small kiss on my forehead. She sat up and eased herself off the bed, trying not to upset the bed to much. She sat on the edge, pulling her top (well, technically mine) and reached down to retrieve hers from the floor.

"Do you have to go?" I asked, sitting up. She turned around, adjusting her shirt, and smiled sadly at me.

"Yeah, believe it or not, but I have work tomorrow. I took off today. You were supposed to be at Sunday's and you never showed up, and I stopped by your apartment. That's when I found you in the tub," she paused, turning around and crossing her legs so that she sat facing me.

"Why were you asleep in the tub?"

I looked at my hands, noticing that at least I was dressed this time. Spencer must have helped me with that. "It happens sometimes, when... Doesn't matter really." I shrugged and looked at her. She looked doubtful.

"Smoking in water? Heat must have just knocked you out." I shrugged, ignoring her question.

"What were you dreaming about last night? It seemed pretty intense. You were screaming," I looked away, spotting her pants on the floor. I reached down from the edge and grabbed them.

"Nothing. It was nothing."

She grabbed her pants and stood up, pulling my boxers off. I couldn't help staring at her long, lean legs, flexing as she put her pants on. I glanced up and caught her eye staring at me. She buttoned them and sat next to me, taking my hand.

"Are you going to be okay?" She asked, tucking a stay bit of hair of from my face.

I nodded, putting my other hand on top of hers. "I'll be fine."

She smiled slightly and moved forward, hesitantly placing a kiss on my lips. Suddenly, my hands had left hers and were on her cheeks, drawing her in for a deeper kiss. I pulled away, shocked, and stared at her. She was equally shocked, hands still on my lap.

"Don't go." I breathed, hands on her neck. She moved forward, catching my lips between her own, driven by a hunger almost as deep as mine. I leaned back, bringing her with me, hands still holding her face to mine.

She hovered over me, separated by a thin layer of air. My fingers wrapped themselves in her hair, blonde strands falling down, tickling the sides of my face. I smiled, shifting myself slightly, my thigh unconsciously moving between her legs.

Spencer reacted, pulling herself away from the kiss. "I don't want to." She whispered, looking torn. "But I have to. I'm sorry, Ash." She rolled off me, sliding out of the bed and standing up.

I groaned in frustration and rolled over, pulling the pillow over my head. "You should just stay."

She chuckled and patted my rump underneath the duvet. "Yeah, and make sure you actually make it to work in the morning. I have to go, Ash, but I'll see you in the morning, okay?"

I looked up at her from under the pillow and stuck my tongue out at her. "Jerk."

She laughed and pulled her shoes on. "Bye Ash." She disappeared through the bedroom door, and I heard the front door close as she left. I yawned and scuttled over to where she had slept. The pillow still smelled like her. I buried myself in her scent and promptly fell asleep.

**A/N: uh oh. Looks like things are heating up for our favourite pair. Can Ashley get rid of the hold Ari has on her, or will she forever stop Ashley from loving her one and only?**


	11. Unexpected

**Disclaimer: I technically could write the show all over again, you know, and just, like own that, and then I wouldn't have to write any disclaimers. As it turns out, South of Nowhere was not written by me. I might own the small characters here in this story, and the basis of the main characters. Actually, to be honest, Ashley and Spencer are names that are kind of public property, and this story really has nothing to do with the story. I mean, yeah, it's a specific Ashley and Spencer, and Kyla, but seriously... come on, this isn't South of Nowhere. Or is it? Nah, who am I kidding. I don't own South of Nowhere, but I totally own this story. Alternate Universes anyone? (This disclaimer is dedicated to the great Ohcleverone. Keep shining, babe ;D)**

**A/N: Em, er, I was reviewing the last chapter, you know, for consistency purposes of course, coz honestly, I find rereading my work to be very dull indeed, and I realised how short my chapters are getting. Like... seriously? If this was any other story for any other author, I'd be hinting them down and threatening them to start writing longer. And, well, the story is getting good. I mean... yehhhhhhhhh. Read on, little ones. Read on.**

Spencer

I closed the door to Ashley's apartment, fingers touching my lips. I leaned against the doo, taking in a sigh. I was getting too attached. It wasn't good to get this attached. It wasn't good to feel this attraction. Not when...

My phone chimed in my pocket, the familiar melody, one that made me shiver. I flicked it open quickly, hoping that I wasn't too slow in answering, and put it to my ear.

"Where are you? You aren't here like you're supposed to be.." A voice, his voice, gravelly with the lack of sleep, scratched over the line. I could almost hear him pacing in the background, furiously pacing around the apartment.

"I'm sorry, I was late at the office and..." I gushed, trotting down the hall to the elevator.

He interrupted, pissed. "We talked about this before. You need to be home at ten. You have been late, haven't been home recently. You don't even bother to call me to tell me. What am I supposed to do about dinner?" Aiden switched ears, and something crashed to the ground.

"Listen babe, I'm on my way back..."

He interrupted again. You aren't at _her _house again, are you? Ari's house? I swear, if you are..." he growled. He grunted as he bumped into something, and I heard the front door slam.

"Ari?" I questioned. "Babe, she died. Ages ago. We aren't even..." I paused. "Friends. We aren't even friends any more. There's a huge project at work, a new artist, Kyla's been on my ass all week about it." The elevator dinged, and I flinched, hoping he didn't hear it. He did.

The other line went silent, and I thought he hung up. "Spencer, your work elevators do not ding. Where are you? I'm heading over there now." He hung up, leaving me at the elevator, frozen.

_Shit. _

I ditched the elevator and scurried down the stairs. The Dav-Corp building wasn't far from Ashley's building, only a few blocks. Even running without heels, I wouldn't be able to make it there in time before Aiden got there in a taxi, though.

I rifled through my pouch and stopped at a vendor on the street, grabbing a tall coffee as an alibi when I got to work. As I predicted, Aiden was already stepping out of the taxi, getting ready to walk into the office.

"Aiden!" I waved an arm at him, trying to catch his attention. He turned his head, green eyes piercing into mine. His jaw tightened in slight aggravation and he ran a hand through his short black hair.

"Why aren't you in the building, Spencer," he asked as I approached. He pulled me to him and kissed my lips roughly, keeping a hand at my waist.

I held up the coffee up, showing him my excuse. "I needed something to wake me up a bit. Long night, a lot of reading." I chuckled nervously and took a sip of the bitter liquid.

He narrowed his eyes. "You don't drink coffee. It makes your teeth yellow. We can't have that." He took the cup out of my hand and took the lid off, dumping the contents in the street. Then he turned around, tossing the cup into the trash receptacle. He sniffed and wiped his hand on his sweater, turning back to me. I took his hand hesitantly.

"Just figured it might wake me up a bit." I walked him down the pavement in the direction of his apartment where I stayed with him, hoping he would just let it drop.

His hand tightened over mine and he leaned over me. "You smell different. Like... is that marijuana I'm smelling?" he demanded, taking a handful of my hair and pressing it against his nose.

I squeaked slightly, pulling my hair back. "No! Maybe... It was probably from the artist I had to work with..."

Hepulled me to him, looking into my face. "Did you sleep with him?" I shook my head. "Was it a girl? Did you sleep with a girl? Is that what this scent it? Pot and perfume?" He grabbed at my jacket, trying to get a sniff. "Filthy whore." he grumbled.

I dropped my head guiltily, hating that I had to lie. "No! I swear, I was just at work. I swear..." I pleaded.

He circled my waist roughly with an arm. "For your sake, I hope you weren't anywhere else." He hailed a taxi and pushed me inside, ordering the cabbie to our apartment.

Once we were inside, he placed our jackets neatly inside the closet, leaving me by the door, waiting for him. He sat on the couch, flicking the T.V on. "Why don't you get started on dinner," he said, pointing to the kitchen.

"Aiden, it's one in the morning," I started, but him stopped me with a raised hand.

"You weren't home in time to make dinner. I'm hungry, you'll make it now." he ordered, turning back to the telly.

I shook my head and walked to the small kitchen area. It was an enclosed space, Aiden had it specially renovated so that it was away from view, closed in, so that when his friends came over, they wouldn't be bothered by me. I poked my head out, checking on him. He noticed, staring at me.

"What?"

"What do you want, babe?" I asked quickly.

He shrugged. "I don't know, but make it quick. I need to go to bed." I shivered and nodded, ducking back into the kitchen. I pulled out my cell phone and dialled her number. I put it to my ear and started pulling pots out of the cabinets to mask the noise.

_Pick up, pick up._

Ashley

My phone was going off somewhere in the front room, the chime pulling me out of my doze. I shrugged off the duvet and half-stumbled to where I was charging, picking it up. "Hullo?" I asked sleepily.

"_What the fuck did you do to Spencer?!" _Kyla's voice screeched over the speaker, making me flinch at it's harshness. I looked at the clock and groaned.

"Ky, It's four in the morning. What are you talking about? I haven't spoken to her in hours." I walked back to my room and flopped back into bed Louie, who was sleeping in the spot next to me, squeaked in surprise and jumped down, stalking out to go lay on the couch.

Kyla froze on the other line. "_Are you okay? You don't sound good." _She sounded worried.

I shrugged, forgetting she couldn't see me. "I'm sick, thanks for asking." I propped a pillow under my head and sniffed. "Wait, what do you mean, what did I do to Spencer?"

She was silent, sifting through papers it sounded like, and the phone was silent. Then her voice came back, sounding far away. She put me on speaker. "_She just called and said she wouldn't be able to make it tomorrow, that she was sorry, and that she couldn't work with you any more as well. What the fuck, Ash? You didn't jump her did you? She's freaking married, for Christ's sake."_

I felt the phone slip between my fingers, falling on the pillow beneath me. Kyla's voice came out of the speaker, sounding aggravated. I recovered enough to pick the phone back up. "What? She's _married?!" _I felt my mind slam to a stop, completely shocked. I don't remember seeing a ring.

"_Oh my God, you didn't... Ashley! Why would you?! I knew she was over at your's the other night but I figured it was all business. Aiden's gonna kill her if..."_

Aiden? "Ky, I didn't shag her, what? No! We didn't even, whose Aiden?" I stuttered, sitting up.

She snorted. _"Her husband? Honestly Ash... You still doing the gig at Sunday's? Spencer wont be there to watch, so I'm going to have to assign someone else..."_

I cut her off. "Kyla, I'll be there, I have to go though. Sleep and whatnot." I hung up on her, not waiting to hear her reply. The phone went off again, Kyla calling again to yell at me, and I tossed it to the floor. It went silent, only to ring again. I groaned and laid back, pulling the pillow over my face.

Christ, married, and to a guy. Of all the people to fall for.

Spencer

I slinked out the front door, not wanting Aiden to wake up. He was very angry when I woke him up. As much as he liked to know where I was at all times, his sleep was something that I would never interfere with.

I hailed a cab, the overcast sky's and incoming chill not exactly ideal to be walking in, and rode in silence to Dav-Corp. I had called Kyla last night, not wanting to see Ashley, alone, even if it was on a bar. It would be to hard to explain, to hard to tell her that there was no way something like last night, the kiss...

I shuddered at the thought, remembering how her hands felt, how much I yearned to kiss her again. How can I look her in the face and tell her that's not what I want? Or, even if I didn't tell her, pretend like it didn't happen, shun her like that? How can I explain Aiden? Ari? How am I supposed to do my job and know that I have all these dirty little secrets?

I opened the door and walked inside my building, only to stop, seeing a familiar brunette arguing with someone over the reception desk. She looked exhausted, like she hadn't slept well, and threw her hands up angrily, walking quickly to the elevator. My elevator.

I ducked my head and walked in after her, careful to avoid her gaze, hoping that she wouldn't spot me. Unfortunately, she noticed.

"Spencer?"

I flinched and turned my head to a very angry looking Ashley, hair down and straightened, arms crossed. There were slight circles under her eyes, and she looked tired.

"Whose Aiden?" she asked.

I gulped, turning quickly back to the elevator door, which wasn't moving. Quickly I pressed the button to my floor. "My husband." I whispered, eyes at my feet.

"You had a husband, and you had the nerve to not tell me? If I remember correctly, you're the one going after me. You're the one who forced me against a store wall." she hissed, turning me so we were face to face.

"I don't love_ him!" _I blurted, instantly covering my mouth. She froze, confusion spreading across her face. "I don't love him." I repeated, tears starting to creep to the edges of my eyes.

Realisation dawned on her features and she pushed the emergency stop button on the elevator. "It's okay, Spencer. We've got time." She said, putting a hand on my shoulder.

I couldn't control them. Tears started flowing freely, and a sob escaped from my chest, I held onto the railings in the elevator as they came harder. She pulled me into a hug, wrapping her arms tightly around my shoulders. I buried my head in her shoulder, pulling her in close.

"I don't love him, Ashley."

Ashley

"I don't love him, Ashley," she sobbed, dampening the fabric of my shirt with her tears. "God Ash, I don't fucking love him, but I can't leave him."

I rocked us slightly, letting her cry for a moment. Her arms loosened around my waist, hands pulling away. I pulled back slightly, thinking that she wanted loose from the embrace, but instead her hands travelled up my front, resting on my breasts. Her head was off my shoulder, looking down at her hands. She glanced back up, looking into my eyes.

"Ash?" she whispered, tilted so that is was a question, hands creeping up to my shoulders. She moved forward, capturing my lips with hers fiercely, almost desperately. She grabbed my head, crushing me to her, and I tried to pull away, but she followed, and I found myself moving into the kiss. My hands grabbed at her hips, pulling her close to me. I pushed her to the back of the elevator, pressing my body against mine.

A part of me was screaming at me, telling me that this was insane, ridiculous, that this shouldn't be happening. The part that still belonged to Ari burned with betrayal, nearly enough to make me pull away. Another part was screaming at me that she was married, t oa guy that she didn't love. Even so, I continued to kiss her, my own tears starting to mix with hers.

We pulled away for air, Spencer looking up to my face. "Ashley, you're crying. I know why I'm crying. Why are you?" She asked, touching my eye gently.

"Because I can't have you." I whispered into her hand, holding her hand to my cheek. I kissed it lightly and gave it back to her. I wiped my eyes and pushed the button, the elevator jerking back into motion. I fixed my shirt and stepped out to Kyla's floor when the door opened, leaving Spencer alone in the elevator, looking lost.

I can't have her.

**A/N: Oh dear, even as the writer, I didn't expect that to happen. Seriously... I didn't plan that to happen at all o.O. These characters have a mind of their own I swear. Or I'm possessed, which makes sense really. OMG Aiden. You have no idea how much I hate that character. Mandy (actress who plays Ashley) married Matt (who plays Aiden). I want to kill him. Maybe I shall. I'll kill him in the story. Maybe. Should I? Hmmm, should let my fingers do the walking and we'll see. Anyway, poppits, Review, tell me your thoughts. Lolites, prepare yourself. This is Gia Lolita, signing out. **


	12. Kyla

**Disclaimer: It takes a lot out of me to have to use all my connexions, all my people, every single ounce of power and sway within the mass media to be able to influence every single aspect of the show that I might as well just own the dozy show. Actually, that's a lie. My connexions are really only the people who hook me up with tequila every Friday and make sure I don't burn the flat down. :/ The show really ought to be mine, yeah? (I bet Ohsoclever1 agrees with me, eh love? Mwahahahahaha!)**

**A/N: So I put off doing the wash just so I could update this story. I've kinda been dreading it after last chapter, what with Aiden and all (really should lay off the shandies when I'm writing...*as she takes a sip of shandy from a glass*. You know... thought just occurred to me, I bet you don't even know what a shandy is. Basically, beer and lemonade. (best mixture). Choice drink, mate. Oh! Yeah, see, I've been having a whizzer time studying for exams (not) and avoiding this update, and everyone here knows I give you at least three days after updating till I even touch the computer. Frownyface, no? Also, I've gotten new headsets for my music, and damn it if the bloody things don't bring me fantastic pleasure. So I was blaring them all day, (the missus threatened to leave me if I didn't do something productive o.o) and decided** **I liked writing more than I like doing the wash. (even though clean clothes and dishes are a necessity) **

Kyla:

_Tap tap tap. _The sound of my heels clicking against the marble floors of Dav-Corp, my building, echoed throughout the lobby. I sniffed, lifting my chin up and adjusted my aviators. Around me employees scurried back to their jobs, afraid to get caught skiving my notorious reputation for being a bitch certainly had it's perks: no one wants to piss off the pitbull.

I mean, come on. I'm Kyla fucking Davies. I own their asses. Honestly, any one of these creeps could be fired at the subtle twitch of a finger. Poof, no more intern who spilled coffee on me. No more late managers forgetting the meeting was today. No more artists bringing me bullshit that I am supposed to be impressed with. No more...

My bag started to ring. It never rings. I call people. Nobody calls me. That's what my first and second assistant is for. Irritated I reached into my purse and pulled out my mobile, opening it with an annoyed flick.

"What the hell are you calling for. I literally just walked into the fucking building." I hissed, glaring at an employee who decided to try and approach me. Wide-eyed, they spun away and walked to the publication wing.

"_I'm sorry, Ms. Davies, honest, it's just that..."_

"Just that what, Veronica? I haven't even had my Starbucks yet. Nothing could be of any importance at this hour. It's five-thirty. Not even Gabriel bothers me, and he owns half the Dav-Corp shares." I paused at the reception desk, picking up a packet of files on the desk. I shifted through them, pulling out a red one and opening it carefully. I frowned at the first page.

"_It's just that your sister is... I don't know, she looks distressed." _

I snorted. "You mean high? What is she doing in my office anyway? Didn't we reassign her after Carlin dropped her?" I flipped the page over, scanning the totals on the back. "Who is doing the Xavier project? They're way over-spending on the presentation and the commission. Christ, have you seen the figures?"

"_Kyla... she looks pretty bad. Like... she pretty much broke down and is saying something about her being married? Listen, I'm no therapist, and she's practically clinging to my pant leg. What do you want me to do?" _Veronica sounded like she was getting pissed, not something that was surprising, considering how Veronica is about as tame and meek as a mouse. Not to mention looks like one. I shifted ears as I scanned through the rest of the file.

"Married? My sister isn't married. What the hell is she raving about? I'm telling you, it's drugs, even though she doesn't usually start until at least lunch when she manages to pull her sorry ass out of bed." I chuckled to myself, throwing the file onto the reception desk.

"_Um... actually, it's about Carlin."_

I faltered, finger pausing from opening a green file. "What? What about... Shit."

I dropped the file on the desk noisily, startling the receptionist and headed for the elevators. I jabbed the up button that would lead to my floor, right in the middle of the building.

"_What does this mean? Carlin is married, right? Why would this affect Ashley? Isn't Carlin... like... married to a man? The photographer, what's his name, Aiden Dennison?" _In the background I could hear something crash and fall, and Veronica curse loudly. The phone dropped to the floor, the sound of footstep stepping quickly on the hard flooring. _"Ashley?!"_

"Veronica? What's going on? Shit!" I slammed the phone shut and stuffed it back in my purse. I turned to the elevator, which pinged open, and stepped inside, furiously jabbing the 13 button. _Hurry up, damn thing, hurry up!_

After what felt like forever, the elevator arrive on my phone, me already putting on my royally pissed off face. Employees alike took one look and virtually turned tail, fleeing for their life. The door to my office was closed, but some curious office workers were trying to peer through the blinds, chattering quietly to one another. One of them passed a wad of cash to another. One of them happened to catch a glance in my direction and nudged another, the words "She-Devil" forming on his lips.

Angrily I tapped up to them, my hands already wringing their necks in my mind. Once I approached them, they all turned to me, paralysed in fear. My hand went to my nose, pinching the bridge while I struggled to calm myself before I murdered them where I stood. I glanced at the watch at my wrist, groaning inwardly. It was only 7 in the morning.

"Please tell me why you are all standing at my office, not working like you're paid to, and passing money back and forth to one another?" I hissed, glaring at them. One of them quick left the group, obviously getting the message. The others stared stupidly at me, either not getting the hint, or waiting for me to continue. "Shoo! Get out of my face before I kick your ass out!" I growled, shooing them with my hands.

I opened the door that lead to my office and spotted Ashley sitting against the wall, eyes to the floor. Veronica, my first assistant, pattered away on her keyboard. I pulled off my jacket and purse and dropped them onto her desk.

"Where is Cassie with my coffee?" I asked her as she stared at the pile on my desk. She glanced up at me dumbly. "Miss Doaty, it hasn't been that long since you went from being a pathetic second assistant to a just as pathetic first assistant. Surely you remember how to hang my coat up and to put my purse in my office. As well as teach the new assistant that my coffee need to be here, when I arrive, still hot, just as I like it. Is that really to hard to ask?"

Veronica nodded slightly, uttered a "yes, ma'am" and stood up from her desk, taking the coat to the closet. I turned to my sister on the floor, still staring at the floor. "Oh dear lord, sister. Please get up off my floor and go into my office. I'll deal with you in a moment."

She looked at me, pain in her eyes, and nodded, not bothering to fight back. Out of everyone that I know, my sister is always the one who gets cheeky, some snide remark about my self-righteous and demanding personality not far from her lips. Instead of what I was used to, this Ashley was submissive, withdrawn, and entirely defeated. She made getting up off the floor and walking across a room look like a painful accomplishment. The door to my office shut behind Ashley, and the door leading out to the rest of the building opened.

A small, thin, almost anorexic looking blonde came in, hair a curly mess. The new assistant. Carefully she carried a tray of coffee's handing me the extra tall one to me with a large grin. Her front teeth were large. They bothered me. She blinked her brown eyes, still smiling.

"Ms. Davies. Wow, I didn't know you were here. Wow..." she said, somewhat spacey, in a strong English accent. She stared at me for a second, and I raised an eyebrow, clearing my throat. She shook her head and flicked her eyes to Veronica. "Vernie! Here, I got you one too!" she half skipped over to where Veronica cringed and handed her a small espresso. Then she glided over to her own desk and stared at her screen saver, a picture of a dirty looking teen with a spliff in his mouth. I turned back to Veronica.

"Is she like this everyday?" I inquired, receiving a slight nod in return. I scoffed, walking to my office.

I shut the door quietly, walking to my desk. I took a sip of the scalding hot liquid, ignoring the heat and itching for the caffeine to kick in. I sat down, setting the cup just so on a coffee holder, and turned to my sister sitting in front of me. I sighed.

"What's up, Ash?" I asked quietly. "You don't end up in here unless there is a problem." I leaned forward and rested my elbows against the table, something I generally don't do because it's completely unprofessional, but at the moment, it was just Ashley, so I loosened up a bit.

She shrugged, leaning forward until her foerhead rested against the desk. "I'm an idiot, and now I'm paying for it." She muttered, banging her head lightly.

I raised a brow skeptically. "And you're just realising this now?" This got a glare out of her.

"No! Not like that. I just... didn't be as careful as I should have been." She sighed and leaned back, rubbing her eyes. The make-up on her face smeared across her face, and I dug my nails into my arms, trying to stifle a comment.

It came out anyway. "Did you get a girl pregnant?" I asked. Ashley looked up, a surprised smile at the joke appearing on her sullen features. I smiled at her, and the air eased up a bit as Ashley felt more comfortable.

"You asked me that when I came out to you. You already knew. Asked that right after I told you I needed to talk to you about something important." She grinned.

I shrugged. Ash, I know everything. That's my job." I leaned back into the swivel chair, relaxing for a second.

Ash scoffed. "Yeah right. At least you thought you did. It gave you an excuse to go partying all through high school."

"Hey! You did just as much partying as I did. Don't think that you could get away with undressing Alyson Hannigan every time she walked past us. Especially at Roach's party when she wore the..."

"Hey now! That's enough. You were surprisingly supportive of it. I thought you'd be more like mom." She said sadly, looking back down.

I rolled the chair around the desk so that I was next to Ashley. "Which is why you can tell me everything. Now, what's bothering you?" I asked, taking her hand.

"Spencer Carlin is married."

I stared at her puzzled, unsure of where this is going. "Yeah? And?"

"To a guy. Named Aiden."

Realisation dawned on me, piecing together yesterday's conversation to Ashley's current state. "Oh no no no no. She's married Ashley. You two didn't? But she's..." I had guessed over the phone that Ashley might have tried something with the blonde, but I didn't think that they might have started a relationship. Or at least had sex. "She's straight. Married to a guy."

Ashley giggled slightly, wringing her hands when mine had left hers. "She dated Ari, Kyla. Dated her, and she cheated with a guy. Who she broke up with for me. And we..." She stopped, starting to get upset.

"Did you two... do what I think you did?" I asked, grabbing her hands again. She shook her head.

"No, we never... did anything like that. Maybe a couple of snogging sessions against a building or two. Bathrooms. Helped me when I was sick. Slept in my bed." She stopped herself. "I didn't know, Kyla. She never said..." She broke off, a sob escaping her chest. I pulled her against me, her head resting on my shoulder. "Ky, she never told me."

I stroked her hair while she cried. It was obvious my older sister had gotten attached, something that would have been really hard after Ari had died. She must have been really... special. But to do something like this to Ash... and not even have the common courtesy to mention a slight dick in the picture.

"I'm gonna fucking fire her ass." I said bluntly, hand pausing against Ash's head. She shot up, eyes wide in panic.

"What? Ky! You can't do that! Why would you..."

I cut her off. "I own the company. She's under my command. I cannot walk around this building knowing that she gets to walk around, not even knowing what she just caused. I'm going to fucking punt her ass out off this building, and make sure she never works in this city again." I growled, standing up.

Ash stood up with me. "Ky,la, I don't think that's such a good idea. I mean, she's such a good recruiter and stuff... that's not fair... she could sue you for... something." She looked at me pleadingly and I sighed.

"Fine, I won't fire her. I suggest you go home, get some sleep. I need to go talk to Sergey about this stupid Xavier project that is going way over budget..." Ashley raised a hand silently, cutting me off before I started ranting, and I nodded, opening the door. "Get out of here. And tell anyone I was all sisterly and I'll lose my title of "Big Bad Bitch", got it?"

"Got it, DemonSpawn," she smirked, walking down the hall, head down.

I looked back into the office, just Cassie at her desk. She blinked. "Wow, you make a great sister, even if you are a bitch." She smiled. She took a sip of water from a monstrous water bottle on the floor.

I waggled a finger at it, puzzled. "What is this, and why is it in the office?" I questioned.

"I need to gain 3 kilos, otherwise they'll send me back to treatment. I need them to think I'm better." She recapped it and frowned. "Although I really do need to piss. Am I allowed to leave to piss if Vernie isn't here?"

I narrowed my eyes. "No one leaves the phone unattended. You'll have to wait for 'Vernie'" I bent my first fingers on each hand twice at the name, "to get back from where ever the hell she is before you can get out of this seat," I stated dryly.

Cassie's eyes widened and her mouth formed an "O". "That's a while... wow."

I rolled my eyes and walked out of the office. Everyone heads quickly ducked down back to work. I scanned the office and spotted Veronica flirting with one of the computer nerds, oblivious to the fact that I had just walked out of the office. I tapped over to her and promptly slapped the back of her head as I passed.

"Enough, Miss Doaty, and get back to work. I believe that Miss Ainsworth really needs to, ahem, piss." I growled as I walked past, heading to the Music wing of the building.

I received a bunch of strange looks from the workers there. I didn't normally bother with this wing, it didn't really come up on the radar very often. Spencer Carlin, current villain, generally runs it very smoothly. That's why I put her at the head of the department.

I strode into her office. She was staring at a bunch of forms, looking exhausted, and sipper her coffee without looking up. "Daniel, I swear to God," she looked up and nearly spilled her coffee. "Ms. Davies. What an... unexpected..."

I held up a hand, stopping her mid-sentence and closed her office door without a sound. She stood up.

"Listen, if it's about the reports that were late last week, I swear that I tried to get them in earlier..."

I held up my hand again, silencing her, again. She closed her mouth. "Why didn't you say anything?" I asked, staring at her.

Her eyes flashed, and she hesitated. "If I had known they were going to be late, I would have sent..."

"Not the reports, dingo. Ashley. Why the fuck didn't you tell her that you were married to that asshat?" I said, striding over to her.

She swallowed and backed away. "I... I... I don't..."

"She fucking broke down in my office. I wasn't even in the building three minutes when my otherwise useless assistant has the audacity to tell me that there is something _wrong _with my sister." I growled slightly and looked down at the ground, taking a breath, than continued. "My sister who informed me that you lead her on, strung her along, not a single mention of your marital status. She learned from another source, and found out that not only had you lied by omission of said status, but also deserted her. "

Spencer stared at me, scared out of her wits, clenching onto the side of the desk for support. She put a hand to her mouth, touching her lips softly. "Is she okay?" she asked.

Anger sparked through my chest. "For fuck's sake! Do you really think that she would fall for your sorry ass, get ditched by your sorry ass, and live to tell the tale? You're lucky I don't fire your sorry ass right her and now." I narrowed my eyes at her.

"She fell for me?" she asked, fidgeting.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, Carlin. Like, full out. As in, got attached. Too attached for my opinion. Your husband is a jackass. Does he even know that you're a freaking Lezzer?" I hissed.

Her eyes widened and she looked at the door fearfully. "Don't say that. No one can know; if it gets back to him... he thinks I'm cured, doesn't know..." she faltered. "I would leave him, honest, I would, but I can't. " She dropped into her seat and put a hand on her forehead.

I cracked my knuckles loudly, thinking. "Touch her again, while you are still married to asshat, and then leave her, in the dark like you did to her, and I'm going to demote you, and make your life here a living hell. You are on the verge of being blacklisted. Do not tempt me, Carlin. Are we understood?" I stated coldly, staring into the blue eyes of Spencer.

She nodded. "What? I can't hear you Carlin."

"Yes, Kyla."

"Who?"

"Ms. Davies."


	13. Blast From The Past

Spencer: 

**One year earlier**

I stared at my mug of coffee in silence, watching the steam rise from the hot liquid. My heart still fluttered from my meeting minutes ago. Aiden had stopped by expectantly to check up on me. He did that at least four times a week to make sure that I was in my office doing my work like a good worker, no one else but me. I know he expects the best out of me, and sometimes I got the feeling that my husband wasn't at all satisfied by my work. That he expected me to be farther ahead in my career than I already was. Like head of the department. But then again, when I seem to be progress, or when I get a raise, he won't talk to me for days. It was confusing, but I should learn to expect that. Especially when he gets in those moods. The ones where he couldn't get a commission, and he's angry for weeks.

It's not that he's a bad man. He's just a stressed out man. And very religious. Traditional. At times he was almost controlling, wanting dinner on the table when he got home, the house work finished, me playing the part of the dutiful house wife and laying with him when he wanted it. Which was often. And was kind of exhausting, and not in a good way. I shrugged off the thought. There was nothing wrong with him. Just a bit of testosterone, male protective instinct, and my own paranoia. Although, there was something that bother me lately. Traitorous thoughts. Thoughts about a certain...

She appeared in the doorway, blonde hair curled and shining, up in a messy bun, and a pair of distractingly long, toned legs. I glanced up at her, letting my eyes take in the woman in front of me. She raised an amused eyebrow and walked in, closing the door.

"Spencer! Glad to see I caught you all alone. No Aiden, I presume?" She questioned, leaning on my desk. Her top was unbuttoned at the top, a classic Ari move. Always flaunting something, even if it was just a specific part of her body.

I licked my lips and nodded. "He just left a bit ago. Your lucky you weren't here earlier." I stood up and picked up my mug, walking to the window looking out to the office. I closed the blind.

"Does he suspect anything?"

I turned, looking at Ari. Normally she was full of confidence, an aura of sexiness, power, that was undeniably drawing. But at the mention of Aiden her mask slipped, briefly showing a moment of worry. I shook my head.

"I don't know. With Aiden, you can't be too sure. He seems like he knows everything." I frowned, biting my bottom lip. She frowned and sat up on my desk, grabbing my hands and pulling me towards her.

She smiled slightly at me and put a hand to my cheek. "You know you're adorable when you're worried?" she chuckled slightly and brought her mouth to mine in a light sweet kiss, sweetness and humour. I sighed.

"It still feels weird. " I pulled away, separating myself from her. Her eyes flashed angrily and she slid off the desk moving towards me.

"Spence, what are you still afraid of? Isn't this what you wanted? Isn't this what we want?" she sounded defeated, tired. We had been going on like this for a few week, since that moment in her office.

"_Come in. Though I don't know who could possibly be outside my door." A voice, slightly raspy from a lack of sleep, called out from the other side. I opened the door hesitantly and poked my head in. _

_She sat at her desk, hand in her hand, head down as she examined some papers on the desk. She looked tired, like she had been up all night. I cleared my throat and she beckoned me in without looking up. I walked in and quickly crossed the large office. _

_I set a coffee down on her desk on top on a cardboard coaster and stood there awkwardly. Finally she looked up, first at the coffee, then at me. "Carlin, what's this?" she pointed to the coffee, eyes penetrating my brain. _

_I shook my head, trying not to look into her piercing green eyes. "Um, Kyla says there is a meeting in the conference room at ten, and wants you to be awake and alert, considering how all you did was fuck around with the intern last night." She narrowed her eyes at me and sat back in her chair, hand resting at her chin._

"_Her words or mine?" she said, voice low and dangerous. I gulped and gestured to the door. Frankly, I've heard the rumours from Kyla. Ari had been her second in command for a while, and Kyla was paranoid that the blonde was out for her job. She also might have mentioned that Ari was a hardcore bitch who only cared for money and scoring commissions, who hated the music department, where her sister worked, and was sort of a manipulating tit. And judging by the look she was giving me, I might have been staring a bit too long. _

"_Um, hers, not mine."_

_She stared at me, obviously amused, and leaned forward, setting her hands on top of her desk. "Are you her first assistant now? Doing her errands for her so she doesn't have to show her slimy face?"_

_I shook my head and looked to the door. Her gaze was intense, and I could feel her eyes migrating along my body. I shivered. "No... no. I actually work in the music department. I handle all the payroll in the branch. Is this a bad time?" I edged, hoping that I could get out of the situation. She was grinning at me, a predator, sizing me up before devouring me. She stood up and walked over to me. _

_A faint whiff of her perfume, sandalwood, enshrouded me, tickling my nose. "How would you like to be head of the department?" she asked. "Our current head is a bit useless, and you seem well fit," her eyes dragged down my body, either checking me out or reading my body language, maybe both, "to take on the job." _

_I ran a hand through my hair, nervously. My stomach fluttered. "I don't... That's not your job, is it? I whispered, eyes locking with Ari's. She shrugged._

"_I have a few strings I can pull, a few puppets I can make dance." she said simply._

"_You don't even know me." I added._

_She nodded, moving closer, eyes staring at my neck. For a brief second, I was afraid, thinking that maybe Ari really was a blood sucker. "I'd like to." She stated, hands coming to my waist. _

"_I don't even know you."_

_She smiled and pressed her body flush to mine, face only inches away. I shivered again, the feeling running through me different from whenever... I gasped._

"_I'm married." I managed to sputter out. She looked unfazed._

"_No matter. He can wait." She pressed her lips to mine, softness different from the roughness of Aiden's. It was different. With Aiden, with was a passive pleasantness. This... this turned me on a lot more than I cared to admit. I felt my body react, pushing myself against her, drawing her closer. _

I looked at the floor, resting on her black heels, toes painted a green that matched her eyes, "I'm just... not used to this. I've never been with... a woman. It's gonna take me some time to adjust." I stared at her pleadingly, and her eyes softened slightly before hardening again.

"I have a meeting to get to. We'll talk later, okay babe?" she muttered, placing a swift kiss to the side of my head. Then she was gone, the faint odour of sandalwood still floating around me. I rubbed the side of my head. There was something about being with Ari that made me feel dirty. Maybe because I was cheating on my husband, with of girl of all things.

**One month later**

The scent of sandalwood engulfed my nostrils, filling my body with her scent. It was a permanent scent in my office, it clung to me, even when I went home. Aiden had questioned it, wondering why I had stopped using the perfume that he bought for me. Wondering why I was in the office so much. Why I was coming home later and later. I'm sure he knew I was having an affair. I'm just hoping he didn't know with who.

Her hands wandered around my body, always coming back to my hips before roaming again. I tilted my head to the side, giving her access to my neck. She pushed against me harder against the wall of my office roughly, biting down lightly on my teased skin. I moaned, threading my hands through her hair and pulling her back up to me. She bit my lip and I moaned into her mouth , instantly letting her deepening the kiss. Her tongue beat down my own with ease, filling me. Her hands left their spot at my hips again, this time to the clasp on my work trousers. My breath hitched and I grabbed at her hands.

"Ari, what are you doing?" I panted, looking down at her hands.

She smirked and caught my mouth with her own, silencing me. "Trust me babe, I think you're ready." she purred, voice raspy. My eyes widened and I pulled away again.

"Here?" I gasped, pulling her hands away. She growled in frustration and pulled her hands out of mine.

"Damn it, Carlin. You are more than ready, and I've waited long enough." She stared at me with black eyes, pupils wide with arousal. I gulped and leaned back against the door, looking down at her hands.

They started to move again, pulling the buttons with ease and shedding both the pants and the knickers down in a practised movement. How many times has she done this? I shivered at the exposure, self conscious about being exposed in such an open place.

She pressed herself flush against me, hand running down my stomach and to my lower regions, mouth ravishing my clavicle. I shuddered as her fingers slipped through the folds of my centre, and I half-heartedly tried to push her away. She persisted, fingered rubbing me roughly.

I felt my body betray me, feeling myself tense up. She growled, fingertips circling my entrance, and I felt my body reacting. I clenched onto her shoulders, nails digging into her flesh. "Ari... please..."

She mistook my plea, and with two finger dove into me. I clenched my teeth and buried my head in her shoulder.

Suddenly the door burst open, an angry looking Kyla storming, unaware of what was going on. "I swear to God or what ever you worship that if your husband could be any more annoying..." her eyes rested on Ari and I, words frozen on her lips. "Shit" she managed.

Seconds late, Aiden appeared, looking confused. He followed Kyla's gaze, eyes meeting mine. "Spencer... what the fuck going on?" he hissed angrily.

Ari pulled swiftly out of me, making me grimace from her roughness. She winked casually at Aiden and placed a toying kiss on my lips. She stuck a finger in her mouth and left the office without looking back, leaving me exposed against the wall, breathing heavily.

"Aiden I," I started. Immediately I burst into tears, collapsing to the floor and hugging my legs. I heard Aiden start towards me, but Kyla stopped him.

"Aiden, I think you should give us a minute. Let her fix herself up before you take her home." She said, letting go of his arm. He snorted and glared at me, not wanting to go. Fortunately, Kyla was stronger than she looked, and managed to shove him out of the office and locked the door.

I looked fearfully at Kyla, finally bursting into tears. Kyla stood there awkwardly, picking up my underwear and pant and handed them to me. I took them with a shaky hand and stood up slowly. I dressed slowly, Kyla turned away, and stood there, anxiously staring at the door.

"Kyla, please don't send me home with him." I sobbed, moving towards the desk.

She turned around and stared at me quizzically. "Why? Look at you. You're a mess, and that poor man just walked in on his wife getting fucked by another woman. Fucking hell, Spencer, what were you thinking?" she hissed.

I shook my head. "I tried to stop her. I didn't want... I wasn't sure..." I crumpled again, sitting on the desk top and crying all over again.

Kyla eyebrows shot to the top of her head. "Didn't I tell you all that time ago that that woman was trouble? I thought you knew about her." She frowned, staring at the door. "Why don't you want to go home to him?" She asked, peeking out of the blinds.

"He's going to be angry." I stated, staring at the door.

Kyla made a noise and rolled her eyes, turning back to me. "No shit, Carlin, he just found out you were cheating on him. How long did this last?" She asked.

I shrugged. "About a month." I said quietly. At first I thought she missed it, but he she pinched the bridge of her nose and turned back to me.

"Are you going to see her again?"

I shrugged again. I honestly didn't know. I felt drawn to her before, but after today, I wasn't sure I'd even be able to look her in the face any more.

Kyla came over and sat on the desk next to me and stared at the door. "You weren't the only one who has been keeping secrets. Or the only one who was cheating." She sighed and ran her hands through her straight black hair. "Spencer... Ari was seeing another person. A man. From accounting of all places." she scoffed.

I stared blankly at her, trying to let the words sink in. "Wait... she cheated the cheater?" I asked, twisting my fingers together.

She shrugged. "I don't know. She was sleeping with Daemon about a month ago, probably around the same time she started jumping you. Talk about mistress distress." She stood up, walking towards the door. "Good like with you husband. If he tears you a new one, just remember. You fucking deserved it."

She opened the door and walked out, the room immediately replaced by a very angry Aiden. He slammed the door shut and moved over so he stood in front of me, eyes boring into mine. "What. The. Fuck." he said, hands moving to my shoulders.

I hung my head and let out a sob, unable to look at him. "Spencer, how could you?" his voice cracked, his voice sounding jaded and betrayed. "All this time. Is that what the smell was? All the late nights?" he demanded, squeezing my shoulders tightly.

I sobbed, still refusing to look up. He grabbed my chin and forcefully pulled my face up so that I could look at the anger and the anguish in his eyes. His fingers tightened on my chin as he turned it to the side, looking at the bite mark on the side of my neck. He bared his teeth and backed away, immediately turning and slamming his fist into the wall where me and Ari were minutes ago. I pulled my knees to my chest, burying my head into my knees.

I could hear him raging around him, yelling at me, knocking things over, hitting the wall. Every now and then he would set a hand on my shoulder or head, and I feared he would do something, but just as quickly as his hand touched me, it disappeared and he moved to the other side of the room. After several long minutes, I felt him grab my wrist and yank me off the desk. He pulled me out of the office and down the hall, down the elevator and to the car, preparing to take me home.

"I'm so sorry, Aiden." I cried as he forced me into the car. He shut the door without another word, leaving me in the car as he walked off.

**Present**

I stood the kitchen counter in our apartment, staring at the pot of boiling water. A bag of dried pasta sat on the counter, ready to go into the hot water, but I didn't move, feeling the eyes of Aiden on me, watching my every move from the door to the kitchen. He cleared his throat, and walked in, opening the bag of pasta. He grabbed my hand and put the bag into it, closing my fingers around the plastic. Then he guided my hand over the pot and tilted my hand, dumping the contents into the water. Hot water splashed up out of the pot and sizzled on my hand, making me yelp out in pain.

He let me rub the spot for a second before he brought the hand to his mouth and kissed it gently. "You aren't going to leave me are you, Spence? You're mine, and you owe me." HE smirked and kissed my temple. "We're married, and you love me, don't you?"

I swallowed past the lump in my throat and shook my head. "It's not enough, is it, Aiden?" I whispered, closing my eyes and readying myself. Just as I thought, a hand swept up and slapped me in the face.

"It's more than enough. Say that you love me, Spencer. Tell me you're not leaving me." He hissed in my ear, hand creeping up to my throat.

I stayed silent, eyes watering. "Can you hear me Spence? Say you love me, and that's all you ever need." He moved behind me, kissing my neck. "Tell me you're mine. Say it, bitch, tell me I own you. You owe me too much to say no." he crooned.

I shuddered and stirred the pasta, avoiding his wandering hand. Angrily, he lashed out at the pot, sending it flying over the counter. The red hot coils of the stove bared me in the face, and I felt myself fearing for myself for the hundreth time today.

"Aiden... I can't do this. I don't know," I broke off, feeling his arm come to a rest around my neck. I started to panic inwardly, a scream caught painfully on the inside

His mouth settled close to my ear, breath hot against my skin. "I'm going out to get more pasta, and you're going to finish dinner. You are going to tell me what I need you to say. Then you're going to attend to me as usual. Is that understood?" He hissed. Before I could respond he was gone, the front door slamming shut.

I turned to stove off, finally letting the sobs loose. I leaned against the counter, staring at the hot water and pasta on the counter. I opened a drawer and pulled out a kitchen towel, wiping up the hot liquid. It burned still, but a lot more would be hurting if I didn't clean it up before Aden got back. I threw the wet towel in a laundry basket in the hall and stood in the living parlour, looking expectantly at the door.

How was I supposed to tell him that I love him when I don't? How was I supposed to tell him he was all I needed when he isn't? I can lie to him forever if that's what it takes, but to lie to myself in the process? That's just asking to lose myself and the ones I truly love. There isn't enough left in me to keep fighting, though, now that I know that I have nothing to be fighting for. I've changed from the girl I was a year and a half ago. Is it really truly over?

A knock on the door startled me from the thoughts, and I stared at it curiously. Who could be at the door? Aiden had no reason to knock, this was his flat too, and his friends came and went as they saw fit, whether it was to bum some booze, watch the game, or to see me. Curiously, I went to the door and opened it slightly.

"Who's there?" I asked, peeking out.

"Ashley. Spence, let me in," she said, moving toward the door. I squeezed my eyes shut and leaned against the door frame.

"I can't, Ashley." I said, not wanting to look at her.

She sniffed and I felt her put her hand against the door. "Is he in there?" she asked carefully, running her hand along the wood.

I shook my head and wiped my eyes, opening them to look at her sadly. "No. He's... out." I said, opening the door a little wider.

Her eyes ran down my body sadly, making me look down at myself. Aiden didn't like me dressing up around the house, so I was wearing a large tee, stained and wet, and a pair of slacks, a hole in one of the knees. My hair was up messily, and I was make-up free. And from the sad look that Ashley was giving me, I looked worse than I thought I did.

"Can I come in?" she asked, moving in close. I sniffed, shaking my head no, but I opened the door anyway, and she stepped in. She looked around the apartment, taking it in for the first time. I stood there, arms around my waist, watching as she walked around the apartment. Finally, after a few minutes, she turned to me, staring at me awkwardly.

I stepped forward. "Look, Ash, I'm sorry about what happened, I didn't mean..." I felt the tears prickle in my eyes again, and I looked helplessly at her.

She moved forward and gathered me in her arms, and I let go, sobbing desperately into her shoulder, clinging to her when my knees went weak. She rubbed my back and made soft noises, letting me cry myself out. Every now and then she would stroke my hair, and once or twice I thought I felt her kiss my temple.

"Ashley, I'm so lost." I admitted into her throat, hands clenching her jacket's front. I pulled back and looked up at her. "I don't know what to do, Ashley. What am I supposed to do?" I cried, practically pleading her.

"Do you love him?" she said quietly, placing a hand against my cheek. I closed my eyes and leaned against her hand.

I exhaled shakily. "No, I don't."

The front door opened, and a feeling of deja vu swept over me. In the arms of a woman, exposed in a private moment. Panic spread throughout my body, and I tensed up, moving in front of Ashley protectively.

Aiden turned around, grocery bags in his hands. He ignored us, moved to the kitchen, and the rustle of bags as he put the stuff away. When he appeared again, he looked unusually calm, a wooden spoon clenched in his left hand. I felt Ashley stiffen behind me.

"Spencer, who's this?" he said, voice eerily even, stopping a few feet in front of me, barely an arms length away.

"Ashley," I stated, staying front of her, shielding he with my own body. If Aiden went berserk, I didn't want her to get in the way.

He raised a brow and looked over my shoulder at her, eyeing her warily. "Kyla's sister?" he asked, pointing at her with the spoon. I looked back at her and then to him in surprise.

"Um, yeah, how'd did you know?" I asked,

He snorted. "Because she's a bitch." he said, glaring at her. He pointed to her with the spoon. "Is she the reason why you won't love me?" he demanded, eyes narrowing when I felt her arms wrap around my waist.

I nodded, slightly, bracing myself. Instead of freaking out, he hung his head and dropped the spoon, hands going to his hair. His face twisted with pain and he turned around. "Get out. Now! Before I do something I'm going to regret." He looked back at Ashley and me and walked away to the bedroom.

I looked back at Ashley, dumbfounded. She blinked, looking just as stunned as I felt. "Now where do we go?" I asked, realising that I was just kicked from my own home. She put a hand on my shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"You could always stay at mine until he cools down." she said, looking at me. I nodded and felt her take my hand. She pulled me along out of the flat, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

"I still don't forgive you," She said, unconvincingly. I nodded, leaning into her. "So you don't love him?" she asked.

I nodded. "I don't."

**A/N: I decided that we needed some background information on Spencer. After all, why not? I think she deserved a good explanation of herself. She's had a pretty shit life to be honest. And I made it longer since it's been a while since I've updated. **

**SPEAKING OF: So every day until Samhain (Halloween for you chaps, and er... 31st October for you others) I shall post a chapter a day. That's what... 5 chapters in five days? Mwahahahahaha! Bow down, minions. And those reading Zombie Land... I haven't updated. But I will, so don't hit me. Unless you want to. **

**Ehhhhhh There was sommat else I wanted to say... Oh yeah! How many of yous have a google email adress? Don't have one? Okay, okay, I get it. You just wont be able to participate in the live story and author chat. Pity. Oh, you do? Well then, that changes things, now doesn't it? See, Google Docs has this thing where If I give you a link to a document, open to anyone, you can edit a story or co-write. How awesome? So I had an Idea. Yes, and IDEA. Reader Collaboration of a SON Story. Sounds good, yeah? And because there is a chat box, you can chat with me, Gia Lolita, and lots and lots of magic will happen. Chat will be on Samhain (Halloween cretins) at about 3 in the afternoon (3:00 pm or 15:00), right about the time when the chapter is updated. I will provide the link, and it will go on for as long as we need it too.. maybe longer if we're all chatty. Woo!**

**Also, in regards to some characters in the last chapter. HOW CAN YOU NOT RECOGNISE THE NAMES. Cassie, Kyla's second assistant, is in fact THE Cassie from Generation One of Skins. And the boy on her computer screen? That's Sid. How she ended up in LA instead on New York? I dunno. I just wanted her in there. And Alyson Hannigan that Kyla said Ashley was perving on when they were kids? Yeah, she's the actress who plays Willow on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Had a crush on her for the longest time, but she might be a bit past your age. I do that a lot, you know, stick random things in my stories. You should look closer at some things. You'd be surprised what you might see.**

**OOH and music! I love music. Wanna see the soundtrack that I listen to while write this story? No? Too bad. Also, some of these songs are in the story. Some songs actually inspire parts of the story. XD Feel free to skip (the list is extensive, but I bet we have a similar musical taste... (oh, and this is an actual playlist on my I-pod labled "FanFiction XD)**

**Adam Lambert:**

**Better Than I know Myself**

**Never Close Our Eyes**

**Adriiana:**

**We Are Young ft. Eyesus**

**All Time Low: **

**Timb Bomb (in story)**

**Lost In Stereo**

**Damned if I do ya (damned if I don't)**

**Aly & Aj**

**No one**

**Rush**

**Amelia Lily**

**You Bring me Joy**

**Adriana Grande**

**Put your hearts up**

**Attack! Attack!**

**Interlude**

**Bonny Tyler**

**Total Eclipse of the heart**

**Breathe Carolina**

**Blackout**

**Hit and run**

**Bridget Mendler**

**Ready or Not**

**Bullet For My valentine**

**Tears dont fall**

**All these things I hate**

**Carrie Underwood:**

**Temporary Home**

**Charli XCX**

**You're the One**

**Nuclear seasons**

**Cher Lloyd**

**The Oath**

**Want U Back **

**Christina Perri**

**Jar of hearts**

**Damn Yankees**

**High enough**

**Delta Goodrem**

**Not Me, Not I**

**Lost Without you**

**In this Life**

**Demi Lovato**

**Give your heart a break**

**Dot Rotten**

**Overload**

**Ed Sheeran**

**The A Team**

**Ellie Goulding**

**Lights**

**The Writer**

**Under the sheets**

**Enrique Iglesias**

**I like It**

**Escape the Fate**

**Situations**

**Gorgeous Nightmare**

**Eva Simons**

**I dont like you**

**Evanescence (SQUEEE)**

**The Change**

**Lacrymosa (in story)**

**Even in death**

**The whole album of Fallen. **

**The whole album of the Open Door**

**Florence + the Machine (SQUEEE)**

**All of them. (hell yes)**

**Gossip**

**Perfect World**

**Hollywood Undead (SQUEEEE)**

**All of them (much luff, but not as much as Evanescence)**

**Kat DeLuna**

**Whine Up**

**Drop it low**

**Kate Nash: **

**Foundations**

**Kay**

**Stranger**

**Lacuna Coil (SQUEEEE)**

**Spellbound (in story)**

**Trip the Darkness**

**Losing my religion**

**Lady Sovereign**

**Love me or Hate me**

**9 to 5**

**Ladyhawke**

**My delirium**

**Magic**

**Lemonade mouth**

**Determinate**

**Breakthrough**

**Living on a high wire**

**Lifehouse**

**Hanging by a moment (in story)**

**Marina and the Diamonds**

**Radioactive**

**Hollywood**

**Primadonna**

**Miranda Lambert**

**More Like her**

**Neon Hitch**

**Love U Betta**

**Paloma Faith**

**Picking up the pieces**

**Panic! At the Disco**

**Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off**

**Build God then we'll talk**

**Paramore (SQUEEEE)**

**We are broken**

**Hello Cold Worl**

**Playing God**

**Monster **

**Fences**

**Careful**

**Pixie Lott**

**Bright Ligths**

**Mama Do**

**RED**

**Lost**

**Breathe into me**

**Already Over **

**Richard Marx**

**At the Beginning**

**Rita Ora**

**R.I.P**

**Sarah McLachlen**

**Fallen**

**September**

**Cry For you**

**Skid Row**

**I remember you**

**t.A.T.u (SQUEEEE)**

**All of them XD**

**Taylor Swift**

**Her old stuff and the new album ;D**

**All American Rejects**

**Dirty little secret**

**The offspring**

**Self Esteem**

**the Saturdays**

**30 days**

**The Veronicas (SQUEEE)**

**All of them. I think there might be one or two in the story. Hmm :/**

**Trey Songz**

**Heart Attack**

**U.V.U.K**

**Blink**

**We are the Fallen**

**Tear the whole world down**

**Bury me alive**

**AS ALWAYS LOVELIES, READ AND REVIEW. THANKS BABES**


	14. Red

**Disclaimer: Forgot the disclaimer last time. Woops. For those who care, the disclaimer is like... last thing I write. On that note, I do not own SON. After all, that wouldn't be fair to everyone else, would it?**

**A/N: Ehhh, I probably should have done this a while ago, but I didn't, but this chapter might be a bit... graphic. Or at least the rest of the story might be. NO GARUNTEES YOU. But fair warning, the story is like... rated M, kay kay? So if you can't deal with that shit, leave now. Just you know, turn around, exit the story off the browser, shut the computer lid, back off the screen on your phone, Dsi, whatever. Just don't complain about sexy times, cuz I happen to love sexy times. With bright florescent body paint and blacklights. And loud, pulsating music. Maybe a strobe light if we're being adventurous. We? I totally meant just me. Woah... nevermind. We. Solo is no fun. Onward?**

Ashley

She started shivering as soon as we stepped outside the building, and at first, I thought that it was just the cold, the dampness of the air settling on her skin. It wasn't until we were halfway down the road did I realise that she was crying, tears that had gone from quiet tears to a full chest-wrenching sob. She clung to me, and I started to phase back to the times when I had seen her and she was happy, not this miserable mess she was not. Back when she was single in my mind and not married. I hurt my heart to see her so miserable, and I was determined to make it go away, but all the same, I could help but wish for those days, where the only thing that was screwing up was me. I was okay with screwing up. That was what I was good at. But Spencer? She didn't seem like the kind to screw up. I don't know what her past was that made her the way she was, but I didn't like this Spencer.

My house was a few blocks away, and if I had remembered to grab my wallet, I would have hailed a cab so we didn't have to walk out in the open, where the sun was disappearing behind all the tall buildings. The only way I had been able to find her address was from squeezing it out of my sister, much to her obvious displeasure. She seemed upset at me going to her, but there was a hint of understanding in my desperation. She jotted down the flat address and kicked me out of her building, almost forcefully after I had stared at her door, unable to grow some nerves and just leave.

I wasn't sure what to expect when I had arrived outside her door. Certainly not her. In fact, I thought it was going to be Aiden who came to the door, not a raggedy Spencer. She looked terrified when I knocked, almost relieved when it was just me (just?), and she looked so insanely vulnerable just standing in the middle of her living room, it was kind of disconcerting. I wasn't sure if it had been me or something had gone down with Aiden, and when he walked into the room, she loosened up in my arms like she had completely given up.

"_Ashley, I'm so lost. I don't know what to do, Ashley. What am I supposed to do?"_

The words echoed through my brain. Maybe I was reading too much into it. After all, the woman had lied about being married. I didn't really have any reason to trust her. I couldn't deny my feelings for her, raging and coiling within my heart, almost threatening to tear it out of my chest with its feral energy. And as much as I craved to just let my own beast out and devour her where she stood, or let the more empathetic side win over and hold her and whisper sweet nothings in her ear, I kept picturing Aiden's hurt face when he put together me and her were somewhat involved. His ultimate surrender. Like when Spencer gave up when he walked in.

Why couldn't she have just been unmarried, so that this was all simple. A classic boy meets girl, well, girl meets girl story. Or a simple goodbye, a "Hey, I'm married and I believe in honouring that bond, so I won't pursue a relationship until I get divorced or explain what's going on" type thing. Subconsciously I squeezed her shoulder roughly in a moment of frustration and dropped my arm away from her, separating us. I stepped a step to the side, putting more distance between us, immediately missing her warmth, but treasuring the instant clarity. I glanced over at Spencer to see if she noticed our separation, but she stared blankly ahead, lost in thought.

I frowned and scanned around at where we were, immediately recognising the road as one of my favourite haunts. I pulled her to a alley where I knew he would be lingering, creeping in the shadows. Just as I thought, James stood against the side of a building, something smouldering in his hand, more than likely a spliff. I left Spencer at the alley mouth and walked over to him.

"Hey" I said, giving him a trademark half-grin. He looked up at me, eyes brightening when he recognised me. "Hey! Ashley, man. Where have you been? Been missing yor face round here mate. I suppose you've done a runner from..." His green eyes flicked to the blonde sitting against the wall and frowned. "Who's that one, mate?" his thick Bristol accent turning up into a cautious tone.

I shook my head. "No one." I said, hands shoving in my pocket. "Listen James, I'm out, and I'm gonna need some hard shit if I'm gonna get through this." I licked my lips in anticipation, staring at his jacket.

He nodded, thinking. "Well, mate, I think the Cookie Monster's got somfin for ya, here in my pockets, for the right price, hey lezza?" he grinned, looking me up and down. I snorted and reached to my back pocket, only to groan in frustration, forgetting I didn't have my wallet.

"Shit. I forgot my cash." I ran a hand through my hair and nearly kicked the wall. James looked at me in alarm and amusement, pulling out a small baggie with translucent red pills.

He handed them to me with a mischievous grin. "It's okay, mate, I got you. Look like shit, mate. Looks like you could use a cheerin up, even if it's not from me cock, yeah?"

I looked at the pills suspiciously. I didn't recognise them. "What do they do?" I asked, rolling them around in the plastic.

He shrugged. "No idea. Hoped you would give it a test drive?" I gave him a look and he shrugged, throwing his joint to the floor. "Me mate, see, she comes up with this crazy shit. Says it's fine, just won't tell me what they're for, see? You want drugs? Babe, take em, on me." He winked and turned around, walking out the alley on the other side and disappearing around the bend. I stared at the pills in my hand, trying to figure out if I really wanted to find out what they did.

At the end of the alley, Spencer had gotten up and was looking at me suspiciously, starting towards me. "Ashley, what are those?" She asked, taking the baggie from my hand. There were seven of them, glistening in the dim light.

Then she did something I never expected her to do. She opened the bag casually and picked up two pills, popping them swiftly into her mouth and licking her lips. She closed her eyes, leaning against the wall. She moaned, handing me the baggie.

I stared at her, not sure if she was in a state of bliss or if she was about to get sick. When she finally opened her eyes, her blue eyes were black, pupils fully dialated. Her mouth stretched into a gorgeous lazy grin. "Ash... it tastes incredible." She whispered.

I looked down at the pills and stuffed my hand inside, wrapping my fingers around two of the small red pills. I glanced at her and stuck them in my mouth. Instantly they dissolved, warmth spreading in my mouth and down the back of my throat. It tasted familiar, distinct. It tasted like, like. I frowned, unsure where I tasted it before.

Spencer giggled and leaned forward, mouth settling next to my ear. "It tastes like you." she whispered, sending a shiver down my spine. It tasted like Spencer, when she had kissed me outside the thrift shop. I found myself grinning widely as warmth spread to my stomach, filling me with fluttery feelings, butterflies, reminding me f when things were simple.

All thoughts about marriage, cheaters, anything of any kind of substance, just flew away from my mind, and I found myself noticing things about the girl in front of me that I never noticed before. The tattoo behind her ear, a Pisces symbol, like a ying yang, etched in purple. How here hair suddenly seemed to glow. Of all things, the intoxicating smell that seemed to radiate from her skin. A soft smell, one I couldn't quite place, yet so uniquely identifiable. Undeniably Spencer. And judging by the look on her face, she could smell me too.

She wrapped her arms around my waist, burying her face into my neck, inhaling deeply. She moaned in pleasure, and I felt her tongue slip out and touch the hot skin lightly. Her lips covered the spot, muffling another moan. "Just like you," she muttered, pulling away.

"What is this stuff?" she asked, fingertips trailing along my clavicle. I shrugged slightly. Her eyes lit up as an idea came to her mind. She bounced lightly. "Beach. Ocean. Now." She stated excitedly, walking quickly to the road.

I grinned, following the beautiful blonde, my blonde to where she strode down the street, sandalled feet pattering lightly on the pavement. She walked to a black car on the side and opened the door, setting into the drivers seat. I stared at her quizzically.

"Spencer, is this you're car?" I asked, staring down at her. She shot me a mischievous grin.

"No."

It was catching, her excitement. I felt myself start to vibrate with excitement, ecstasy, energy, and I was practically bouncing where I stood. "So we're still a car?" I grinned, moving to the other side.

I closed the door and she examine the car, pulling down the visor to check her face. Instead of a mirror, there was a key taped to the visor. She smirked, putting the key into the ignition. "Looks like the fates just wanted us to take this car." She said wondrously. Her hand rested on the gear shift and she stared forward, unmoving.

I placed my hand over hers and put my fingers in the spaces between hers. "What's wrong, Spence?" I asked, stroking her soft skin. It was really soft skin, so much paler than mine. Not like I was all that tan, it was just that obvious. Porcelain. Angelic. It was beautiful against my skin.

She cocked her head slightly. "I don't know how to drive," She giggled, turning the wheel. I chuckled, of course she wouldn't know how to drive. She shrugged. "No matter, shouldn't be too hard to figure out."

Her foot pushed down on the pedal and we peeled off into the empty street, heading to where we knew the sea would be. A few minutes of random song singing, giggling, and a nasty case of the hiccups later and we were double parked next to an empty beach. It was dark out finally, and we staggered out of the car, staggering towards the beach. We had found booze in the back of the car, a bottle of vodka and a few wine coolers. We lost our footing a few times over the loose sand, each time falling over and grabbing the other, both of us collapsing on top of each other. And each time we felt the electricity of the drug sparking between up, desperately trying to spark something inside of us.

By the time we had reached the waters edge, we were sweaty, sandy, and unbelievably worked up. We both flopped to the ground next to each other, the liquor sitting in the sand in front of us. I grabbed the vodka, suddenly thirsty and opened it, taking a large draught and passing it to Spencer. She took a noisy gulp, making us giggle.

"That was adorable," I said goofily, running a hand along her thigh. I gave her a crooked smile and looked down at her fingernails, a bright intense purple.

Her eyes, though dilated, looked at me with an intense focus. "You think that was adorable?" She smirked, watching me.

I bit my bottom lip. "Absolutely beautiful." I said, placing a hand on her cheek. She placed her hand over mine and moved it over her mouth, kissing the palm.

"You're beautiful, Ashley. I want you so much." She whimpered, kisses moving from my palm and travelling up my arm. "I need to taste you, Ash, remember you. Memorise you. _Devour you._" Her words had echoed mine from earlier, sending a shiver of goosebumps along my skin. She noticed, smiling into my skin.

I pulled her head up, crushing my lips to hers. She didn't respond at first, and I started to hesitate, unsure if I had crossed an unspoken boundary. My lips had barely left hers when she charged forward, attacking my lips. Her hands held onto the sides of my face, making sure that I couldn't pull away, or at least, think twice before I tried. She pushed forward, managing to topple me so I was on the bottom, back flat against the sand.

She moved away from my mouth, along my jawline, to a spot by my ear. She brushed her lips along the spot, causing me to moan when her tongue touched the spot lightly. She gave my earlobe some attention before placing open-mouthed kisses down my neck. She nuzzled the spot above my pulse point tenderly, even breaths warming the skin there.

I crept my hands around her waist, placing my palms flat against her back. I pushed her down until she was laying flush against me, head nestled in my neck, holding her in my arms. She complained slightly, wanting to get back to her ministrations, no doubt the want to completely rip the clothes off my body dominating her thoughts, but at this point, I was content, sitting on the sand, snuggled with the blonde.

It was an amazing feeling. The sand beneath me was warm from all day in the sun, small mounds applying pressure in seemingly all the right places. The feeling of Spencer on top of me, her own warmth trailing from her breath on my neck, to her torso on mine, interlaced fingers, twined legs and feet. We, or at least I, were at a complete peace, merely enjoying the feeling of the skin on skin experience. Wait... skin on skin?

I looked down and saw Spencer lifting my shirt , running her hand along the contours of my stomach, purring in satisfaction. Her own shirt was off, taken off while I was blissed out. The feeling of her skin was too much for me, almost. It was too much sensation, an overload. The air around us seemed to crackle with static electricity, and I almost believed that we would catch on fire, we were so hot.

Something cold touched the bottom of my feet, jerking my attention from where Spencer was resuming her tending to my neck. "Spence... tides almost reached us." I stated, curiously staring at the water creeping up my legs.

She smirked and place a kiss on my lips. "No matter," she stated, kissing me again. She straddled me, and I sighed at the lack of warmth and trailed my hands along her legs. Goosebumps rose on her flesh, and I realised that I wasn't the only one who was feeling the sparks. Immediately she deepened the kiss, hands coming to a rest flat against my stomach.

I curled my fingers in her hair, pushing her closer to me. My tongue traced her bottom lip, enjoying the smoothness of the flesh. She growled almost and opened her mouth, beckoning me in. I slipped my tongue inside, shivering at the thought of where my tongue could be.

I was starting to get drenched, and not in a turned on way. The somewhat cold water was almost distracting, chilling, sobering. So when Spencer's hand started to migrate away from my stomach to down lower, I stopped kissing her back. It was fading, the high from the drug, the bliss, the ultimate not-caring-about-what's-going-on-id-ness that I was feeling not long ago slipping.

Spencer, sensing a change in my body language, looked down at me, eyes confused. "Ash?" she questioned.

I didn't like this, this feeling of reality. I wasn't ready to go back to how we were, not when I was finally so close to the blonde. My hand reached for the pocket in my pants, pulling the baggie out. There was only three left, so I pulled the one out and popped it into my mouth.

Just like last time, the warmth spread, and I forgot what I was worrying about. Why was Spencer looking at me like that? With confusion and... was that lust?

My stomach clench, and I was overwhelmed by smells. Smells of Spencer, the sea, the sweat on our skin, her arousal. I flipped us, trapping her to the bottom. This was more like it

**A/N: Gonna stop it here. "What?! But, but..." Sorry. I was supposed to post this yesterday, but my housemate was all like, "Go to bed or I'll rip your sodding head off and use it as a pin cushion. You're annoying." Blink blink. It's okay, I don't like him very much either. Interrupted me where I was going. And I had to rush it because of him. -damn it- SO it's probably not great quality stuff. I'm not too satisfied, so I may go back and rewrite it sometime in the future.**

**Ready for Samhain/Halloween/31st October? I know I am! Setting up the story format now. Prepare yourselves...**

**R&R Lolites. Take it as you wish. Rest and Relaxation? Totally. Read and Review? Excellent. As much as I LOVE seeing the readers count go up, I love seeing the review count go up as well. -hint hint- Not working for ya? My brain hasn't worked for me since... well... I'd say sixth form, but I moved before that, sooooo never?**


	15. Sandy

**Disclaimer: WHAT?! They took it away from me? My God! What is this world coming to?! South Of Nowhere is officially not mine, despite having successfully stolen it while high... on life, of course.**

**.**

**. **

**. **

**Yeahhhh Don't own it. (Dedicated to Ohsoclever1)**

**A/N: Sooooo, you know that saying Author's hate writing sex scenes? That's true... for some writers. For others, they're just fun. Unfortunately, they're very hard to put emotion into. Which is why I fail at writing them. So I avoid them like the plague, even though I do think they're fun. So when I do write them, I have this obsessive thing about making it perfect. Ew, don't like sex? What kind of a freak are you? It's like, the most powerful thing... oh wait, you were talking about book sex weren't you? I think if books want to have sex, that's their deal, isn't it? Pshhhh Just don't read this chapter, kay kay?**

Spencer: 

The drug had worn off not long ago, but I knew that the only reason why Ashley was even still here with me was because of it, and honestly, it was incredibly difficult to tell the difference between the drug and sobriety at this moment, I was so insanely happy. After what I had done to Ash, I didn't ever think that a moment like this would even happen.

Ashley on the other hand, I could tell the drug was wearing off. She was off, something about the way she was acting, the way she would look at me. I don't even think that she totally got a feel for the drug, having been under the effects of multiple drugs in the past. It would be surprising if she was starting to grow tolerant of them. She hesitated underneath me, stiffened, looked away. At one point she actually pulled out the baggie and slipped another pill in her mouth. Almost instantly, there was a change in her demeanour. And then she flipped me, looking at me with a look I couldn't quite read, a smirk half-showing on her lips.

She dipped down low, placing a kiss on the tip of my nose, breath warm and sweet. She dropped herself low, barely brushing my chest with her own, hands creeping down to grab mine, pulling them up so they rested on wither side of my head. She look down at one of our interlaced hands, and let go, trailing her fingers down the length of my arm slowly, hitting all the soft skin on the underside. She ran them back up, goosebumps flaring up at her touch. Heat soothed them back down, and I could feel anticipation clenching my stomach.

It was almost too much, being this close, and knowing that the only way Ash could do this with me was if she was hopped up on some kind of pill. The pill. The small red ones. What were they?

Her lips touched my cheek, a small kiss that moved to go along the edge of my jawline. She was slow, careful, almost like she was savouring the moment, memorising me, and if my guess was correct, she was, thinking she'd never get a taste of me again. She kissed my ear, moving to the spot right behind my neck. Her other hand clenched my hand tightly and moved them, moving them to her side. She released it, letting my hand linger at the soft skin beneath her shirt.

I stroked the skin lightly, admiring the softness of the skin. She was practically laying on top of me, held up only by her hands on either side, feet tangled with mine in the shallow water that went up to our knees. The cold of the water contrasted greatly with the heat of out bodies, fire on water.

I placed both hands at her side, slowing pushing up so she raised her body off of me. She looked down at me confused. "Spence?" She muttered, anxiety in her eyes. I pulled her head down and silenced her with a kiss, immediately feeling her deepening it.

She straddled me, knees now up by my hips, giving me ample space to start exploring her body. My hands slipped under her tee, palms flat against her hard stomach, the muscles rippling as my fingers stroked them. She sat up, pulling the tee off and tossed it to the side, landing with a plop in the water.

I stared. Probably for a lot normal than I should have, but I stared. Here was the girl I had my eyes on, that I pretty much adored, shirtless, the only thing separating me from her small, perfectly formed breast was the thin black bra, taunting me with the exposed skin. She smirked at me staring and raised her hand, pulling the left bra cup slightly to the side.

Instantly my hands flew up, running over her stomach to the sides of her chest, moving to go to the back so I could unstrap the offending thing.

Instead, Ashley interrupted, pulling the hem of my own shirt. "Speenceee." She moaned, leaning down close to my ear, hands trapping my hands to her side. "Not fair. I haven't seen _you." _she grinned, releasing my hands and slipping hers under my t-shirt.

I sat up, letting her pull it up over my head, eyes connected except for when the fabric brushed over my face. Immediately she wrapped her arms around me, crushing us, skin to skin. We shuddered at the touch, practically humming with pleasure.

"Who knew," She started, but I interrupted.

"That just touching could feel so good?" I finished. She looked down at me amused.

"Yeah. But now..." She reached behind me and I heard the subtle snap of her bra being unclipped, her hands coming back into view. She frowned looking at mine. "You had to be the one to wear a sports bra," she frowned, snapping at the elastic at the bottom.

I giggled. "What, they're comfy." I stared innocently. "How else can I wear baggy clothing and work." She added cheekily, pulling the ends up.

Soon we were both completely topless, gaping at one another. Especially me, I was pretty sure I was just drooling. I cupped on of the soft mounds in my hand, awed by the fact that they were so much softer than the rest of her skin. I kinda wanted to just bury my face in them and get lost. Wow, is it just me or was that an insanely perverted thought. Then again... considering our current position, half naked on the beach with the tide slowly enveloping us, might give me a get out of jail free card.

Her nipples hardened under my warm palms, and she sighed, leaning forward slightly, applying pressure. I felt like a guy, aren't they obsessed with tits? Then again, Ashley had a set. So I did what anyone would have done. I kissed one. She gasped and wrapped her fingers through my hair, pushing me closer. Egged on, I opened my mouth, taking her breast into my mouth. My hand went to the other ignored breast, tweaking the nipple. She groaned and pulled me up to her mouth, forcing me away from her chest.

Still under the façade of drugs, I ventured a groan of disappointment on her lips, making her pull away. "I like your tits." I said, looking down at them sadly. Ashley stared at me for a second before bursting into laughter, wrapping me into a tight hug. I kissed her neck and she tilted it, giving me more access to the skin. Immediately I wrapped my lips around her pulse point, feeling myself leave a mark. She was probably gonna freak out in the morning from that.

Ashley stood up, and I thought that she was getting up to leave, so I stood up, ready to protest, but she grinned at me and worked her fingers around the clasp of her jeans. In a swift movement, she had them off and streaked for the ocean. I blinked, stunned at the sudden change of plan and the fact that her cute, bare arse was running away from me.

I fumbled with my own pants, slipping the sweats off and nearly tripping over them in my haste to get to the ocean. I couldn't help the small skip when she turned around and her grin widened when she saw me. A wave came up behind her and knocked into her back, nearly toppling her. She giggled and beckoned me in, feebly attempting to splash water over at me.

I walked into the waves, feet already used to the water , but as soon as it hit mid-thigh, I froze. "Ashhhh it's too cold!" I yelled, only a few feet from where Ash was, already waist deep.

She half ran, half waded to where I stood and picked me up. I wrapped my legs around her waist, trying to avoid the cold salt water. She groaned when my centre touched her stomach, and I could see it was hard to not just take me where we stood. She started walking us to the deeper water, and when we just hit waist deep, another wave came along, this time knocking Ashley over. I felt myself hit the water, nearly gasping in the cold. I resurfaced, Ashley grinning at me evilly.

"You did that on purpose," I accused, flicking water at her. I stood, shivering, and she walked the rest of the distance between us, wrapping me in another hug. Boy, did she love hugs, not that I was complaining, but there was something else I had in mind.

I pulled her into a kiss, already asking to be let in, and she complied. Our tongues battled, neither one of us wanting to surrender. My hands travelled down her body, cupping her arse and pulling her closer. She moaned into the kissed and put her hands to my cheeks, holding me close.

My one hand migrated away from her butt, rather, it moved to the front of lower stomach, right about where her curls started. She broke the kiss, looking at me. "Spence..." she stared, a warning almost in her tone.

"I won't do anything you don't want me to do," I said, kissing her neck softly. She whimpered, grabbing my hand and pulling it away.

"Spence, I'm not ready," she whispered. I thought I had misheard her, but from the pain and fear in her eyes, I knew I had heard her correctly. I intertwined my hand in hers and kissed it lightly. Suddenly I felt the cold around us more keenly, and I shivered, dropping my forehead onto her shoulder. "I'm sorry," I muttered to her chest. She chuckled.

"Are you saying you're sorry to me or to my boobs?" She poked my side and I squeaked, giving her an angry look.

"Neither. I was apologising to the ocean for stripping it of it's right to a free show." I stuck my tongue out at her and headed towards the beach. The farther away I got from Ashley, the more sober I felt, and the larger the headache grew. When I reached the sand, I felt myself go light-headed, and I fell over, crashing to sandy ground below me.

**A/N Hee hee, I got you thinking about sex. But I didn't give you sex. I never promised it. Just merely warned you there might be. Oooh, also, Ashley is still upset with Spencer, not to mention some underlying issues possibly connected with it...**

**Lets not give anything away, shall we? Oh, and that drug doesn't exist, as far as I know. Boy, do I wish it did. Life would be so much more fun like that, wouldn't it? Every shag freaking amazing. What? Did I say that last bit out loud? Not? Thank the Gods, Spirits, and of course... Ghandi. **

**It was a short chapter, I know, but I needed one cuz I missed yesterdays update, thanks to "Hurricane" Sandy hitting my state like a Banshee, and my power went out. (Damn storms).**

**So I do promise another update later today, :D We good now? Good.**


	16. Blackout

**Disclaimer: I wish I was a really rich millionaire so that I could buy the rights to South Of Nowhere, that way I could actually own the show and write that in my Disclaimer. That way its not nearly as annoying to right these disclaimers. Honestly, do any on you think I own this show?**

**A/N: So I believe that I may just owe you all an apology for the obvious and extreme tardiness that resulted in my negligence to preform my various tasks that seem to make up my annoyingly mundane and time consuming day. On that note... Skyfall anyone?**

"**Well, anyway, I was reading this James Bond book, and right away I realized **

**that like most books, it had too many words. The plot was the same one that **

**all James Bond books have: An evil person tries to blow up the world, but **

**James Bond kills him and his henchmen and makes love to several attractive **

**women. There, that's it: 24 words. But the guy who wrote the book took **

***thousands* of words to say it. **

** Or consider "The Brothers Karamazov", by the famous Russian alcoholic **

**Fyodor Dostoyevsky. It's about these two brothers who kill their father. **

**Or maybe only one of them kills the father. It's impossible to tell because **

**what they mostly do is talk for nearly a thousand pages. If all Russians talk **

**as much as the Karamazovs did, I don't see how they found time to become a **

**major world power. **

** I'm told that Dostoyevsky wrote "The Brothers Karamazov" to raise **

**the question of whether there is a God. So why didn't he just come right **

**out and say: "Is there a God? It sure beats the heck out of me." **

** Other famous works could easily have been summarized in a few words: **

*** "Moby Dick" - Don't mess around with large whales because they symbolize **

**nature and will kill you. **

*** "A Tale of Two Cities" - French people are crazy. "**

** - Dave Barry**

**Anyway, I updated out of guilt of depriving you of joyous times. Enjoy minions...**

Spencer:

I woke up, sweating, sprawled out half-naked against the hood of the stolen car. My back burned as I stood up, sure that I had succeed in burning the skin there to a crisp. I flinched as I fully stretched out, joints popping from disuse. I pushed my hair back out of my face and looked around. I was alone. Where was Ash?

I turned in a circle, squinting my eyes against the sun. It was hot, warmer than it had been for the last few days, and really dry instead of the humid air from the previous day. If Ashley was out lying in the sun like I had, she'd be pretty burnt as well. The only question was: Where is Ashley?

I sat on the hood, and slouched back, supporting myself with my arms, looking out into the waves. The sun warmed my skin, and my hair flipped in the slight sea breeze, falling into my face and irritating me slightly. I raised my hand to push the hair out from my face, only to be startled by a loud car horn behind me, making me jump and nearly fall off the hood. I turned around and spotted my brunette in the drivers seat, stiffling a giggle.

I glared at her, sliding off the hood and opening the passenger side door. "That wasn't funny, Ash." She stared at me, tears in her eyes from the effort of trying to hold in a laugh, and I felt myself crack open a grin. "What? It wasn't. And how come you got to sleep in the car?"

She snorted. "I tried to get you in the car, but you insisted on going skyclad and that the stars would be plenty shelter enough. I just barely managed to convince you to keep your underwear and bra on." She rolled her eyes and kicked her feet up on the dashboard. "You were pretty intense."

Instantly I felt my guard shot up. "Intense? How?"

She shrugged, instantly seeming to regret her words. "I dunno. Don't you remember?" She asked, stealing a sideways glance at me while she examined her toenails.

I shook my head. "No. I remember passing out after leaving the waves. That's about it. I didn't do anything stupid did I?"

She hesitated, glancing up at me with a frown. "You don't remember anything after that?" She asked slowly.

I frowned at her, trying to think back to last night. Try as I might, I only remembered passing out. But then again... "Did I pass out?"

She shook her head. "No. You tripped. Fell over a stick in you path. You giggled for what felt like ages and nearly threw up."She smirked and leaned back. "Then there was that really strange moment..."She froze,shutting her mouth and looking out the window. I stared at her, bemused.

"Strange moment?" I inquired.

"I don't really think that is something I should be telling you." She sat up and opened the car door. I grabbed her arm before she could make it out of the car and pulled her back to me.

I stared at her pleadingly. "Ash, I don't remember anything after that. How am I supposed to know that for myself?" She looked away from me, obviously upset.

''Spencer, I don't know what to tell you. I could tell you the truth, but you wouldn't believe it, and even if you did, you'd regret saying it." Her eyes glistened with tears again, this time not from laughter, but from pain, and I let go of her arm. She sniffed and got out of the car. She picked up her shirt from the sand and strolled off, leaving me in the car stunned.

In minutes the mood had changed from playful to dead serious, something that I wasn't very comfortable with, especially since I was the centre of all the problem. What could I have possibly said to have upset Ash so much?

Ashley:

I know she didn't mean it. What she said last night. I mean, obviously if she couldn't remember it from last night, it means it wasn't that serious. I've had plenty of blackouts. I was no stranger to them. Sure, I've said and done things that I regretted in the morning. I never meant any of it, at least not the next day. I meant it at the moment, but it doesn't mean that it's a solid thing. Glass, easily breakable. Then again, glass shards hurt like a bitch when you step on them.

I shook my shoes on the pavement, trying to remove the sand and stones from the beach and stood at the bus stop. My shoulder burned like a bitch; clearly I didn't think to bring suntan lotion with us in our random impulse to go to the beach. I glanced at my watch. Shit. Kyla's going to kill me. I already blew off the first day of work after Spencer transferred cases and I got stuck with some stuck up prick.

The bus grumbled to a stop in front of me, the driver giving me a dirty look when I climbed aboard barefoot. I handed him the cash I found in my back pocket and sat in the seat behind him. The radio crackled overhead, and I could barely hear the voice behind the static.

_My fingertips are holding onto the  
cracks in our foundations,  
and I know that I should let go,  
but I can't.  
And every time we fight I know it's not right,  
every time that you're upset and I smile  
I know I should forget, but I can't._

"God DAMMIT!" I shouted, standing up. The bus driver cocked an eyebrow at me through his big mirror and I shot him a glare. "Can you change the station, please?" I asked, holding onto the bus railing.

The bus driver smirked at me, and shook his head. "Can't. Can only get this station while I'm driving. Get it?" he grumbled. He almost reminds me of Mitch from the bar. "Where you headed?"

"LA, upper east end." I stated, sitting in the seat opposite to my old one.

He chuckled, pulling up to another stop. "Bit far from there, aren't you?"

I shrugged. "As long as I get home, I don't care how far. I need to feed Louie." I eyed the packet of cigarettes in his cup holder, itching to take on.

He pulled out without picking anyone up and looked up at me. "Kid?" I gave him a dirty look. "Ah, pet." He followed my gaze to the fags and smirked. He threw me the pack.

I caught it, confused. He shrugged. "Trying to quit. Besides, you paid too much bus fare. You pretty much bought them."

I picked one out of the case and placed it gingerly between my lips. I searched my pockets for a lighter, but the driver threw his over to me. I flicked it open, hands shaky as I tried to light it. I burned myself in the process. "Goddammit!" I growled, sucking my finger.

I tried again, this time succeeding, and inhaled deeply. "Hey, no smoking on the bus, now." he grumbled, eyeing the smoke that floated to the top of the bus. I opened the bus window and stuck my hand out, flicking off a train of ash.

An hour later we crept into the city, a few blocks away from my neighbourhood. I hopped off the bus and walked quickly down the street. Ahead of me, Kyla's building loomed high above me, shadowing me from the sun. I shivered from the absence of the heat and crept into the building. The security guard waved me in and I headed for the elevator. I pushed the elevator button and waited anxiously for it to open. I really needed to ask Kyla something.

The elevator doors opened smoothly. Speak of the devil. Surprised, my half sister stepped aside, clearly deciding to hitch the ride with me. She checked me up and down.

"Well. You look like hell." She said bluntly, toying with a piece of my hair. I swatted her hand away.

"Shut up, Kyla. I need to asked you about something."

**A/N: Oh dear. Yes it's short. And yes... Spencer did something that upset Ashley to the point where she needs to confront Kyla. Or is it the other way around? That Ashley did something, Spencer reacted badly, and Kyla just happens to know some answers to a very important question? Well, I'd tell you now, but that spoils the fun, don't it?**

**Eh... You deserve an explanation for about a month of neglecting to post anything. Eh... I don't have a good excuse. In fact, I have an incredibly boring and technical excuse that I typically make up on the top of my head. Only... truer than the ones I feed my lecturers. I'm deffo Finnish-ing (lol FINLAND) this story, seeing it through and like. I'm determined to finish it seeing as I've already gotten this far. **

**~also I'm deathly a-feared of ex-nurses with a stash of morphine and band saws... so I'm a-feared of the _Mercy _treatment. -shrink- ~**

**Love ya'll and thanks for hanging in there. R&R&R&R (rest and relaxation, and review and read-on ;))**

**~Gia Lolita, over and out.**


End file.
